Why It Wouldn't Work
by Getemono
Summary: Jin dates every/any Tekken character, and it all goes horribly wrong. Date Fourteen: Kunimitsu
1. Date One: Anna Williams

-1Disclaimer: I do not own Tekken.

A/N: Hey, I'm back with another stupid fanfic! Hooray! This one's about why I think Jin wouldn't really fit with any other Tekken character. Ahem, **by writing this fic, I do not mean to insult authors/fans of any of the pairings being made fun of**. This is all for FUN. Any likenesses to other fanfic are purely coincidental, as I hardly read romance fics, so I wouldn't know where to steal from…

Date One: Anna Williams

Jin sat nervously in the private dining area. Why he'd agreed to "Tekken Blind Dating" he'd never recall. Why he actually showed up after agreeing was even more of a mystery. He glanced at his watch. His date was already twenty minutes late.

"If I remember correctly, ten more minutes and I'm off the hook." He muttered, shoving a breadstick into his mouth. _Or was it an hour that you had to wait?_ Jin had no way of knowing as he'd never been on a date.

The cool Jin Kazama was contemplating creating a house of breadsticks, and maybe talking to a waiter about a butter volcano when she finally arrived. Anna stepped through the polished black door, dressed in her signature red dress with matching gloves, stockings and heels. She arched an eyebrow at him.

"And here I was expecting Lee Chaolan." She sat in the chair across from him.

"You're late." He said, "accidentally" knocking the table with his leg so the breadsticks would fall neatly back into their basket. Anna didn't notice.

"Haven't you ever heard of arriving fashionably late, Mr. Kazama?" Anna cooed, leaning across the table. But Jin wasn't really listening.

_Damn, her boobs are huge!_ He noted, staring at her chest not in awe, but fear and confusion. _I mean, what the hell? She's white, right? Skinny white chicks don't have boobs. Leo's proof of that. Are they fake?_

Anna noticed where the protagonist-turned-antagonist's attention had wandered to and somehow managed to lean in a little closer.

"See something you like?" She asked in a low voice.

"Uh…" _oh crap. _Being the quick thinker Jin was, he grabbed a menu, effectively propping it up between himself and Anna's cleavage. "Yeah, actually, I heard the lasagna's good." _All right! I am so smart!_ He internally congratulated himself.

However, instead of looking put off or insulted like most girls would have, Anna merely looked more determined. "Yes, but I think I'll stick with a salad." She said, brown eyes locking onto his much like how a panther might look at a duck.

_Creepy…_He thought before calling the waiter over.

"And how may I _**ass-**_ist you today?" Jin looked up at the familiar voice and sure enough, standing above him was Hwoarang, dressed in black and white waiter's attire with a notebook and pen in hand.

"Hwoarang, what are you doing here?" Jin asked. Anna looked delighted, and Jin didn't want to know why.

"Get over yourself, Kazama, it's part of the Dating gig." Hwoarang retorted. "By the way, Paul's the chef." Anna let out a disgusted squeal.

"Please tell me the baboon can handle a simple salad!"

"Please tell me Marshall's in there." Jin groaned.

"Nope." Hwoarang answered, and they couldn't tell which question he was answering. Probably both. "So it'll be a salad for the lady and…" Hwoarang waited for Jin to answer.

"Wine, and get me the bottle corked. I don't want anyone spitting in anything."

"Of course." Hwoarang said, collecting the menus and walking off with his little notebook. As soon as his back was turned, a mischievous grin lit his face. _We are so gonna spit in the glass._

"I take it your business is flourishing, Mr. Kazama?" Anna asked. Jin didn't like how she said Mr. Kazama, it sounded like just saying the name was giving her ideas.

"Yeah…hey, don't you work for Kazuya?" Jin realized.

"Yes, so?"

"So, how do I know you won't try to sabotage me?" Anna laughed at his accusation.

"Oh, please, Mr. Kazama, Mr. Lee Chaolan and I used to play this sort of game all the time." She went on before Jin could say he didn't want to hear anymore. "He was playing my stupid cow of a sister so she'd do his dirty work while he was really interested in _me_."

"You mean he didn't make you do anything?" Jin asked, squinting.

"Well, I'd tell him Kazuya's plans every once in a while…"

"Then wasn't he playing both of y-"

"Shut up!" Anna snapped, pounding her fist on the table. She must have realized that she'd done something extremely not sexy and she relaxed again. "But, that's the past, and the past is behind us, hm? Just like you and that Xiaoyu girl." She added with a look of slight disgust.

"What? I never had anything with her!" Jin protested.

"Really now?" Anna put a hand to her mouth in surprise. "That's not what's been going around in tournament gossip."

"But who would spread rumors about me?" Jin asked, a little hurt. He was a good guy. Sure, he waged war on the entire world and was responsible for a few deaths now, but he'd never _personally _ruined anyone. As if on cue, Hwoarang walked in with Anna's salad and Jin's bottle of wine with two glasses.

"Your entrée and beverage." He said much too politely, sliding the dish in front of Anna and pouring wine into the glasses. "Enjoy."

"Uh, excuse me, _waiter_." Jin said, looking at his glass suspiciously. "Do you think you could sample this for me?" Hwoarang looked a little nervous.

"Of course. If you'll just let me get a glass-"

"No, I want you to drink out of this one."

"What are you, gay?" Hwoarang asked, and Jin glared at him.

"It is a little weird, Mr. Kazama."

"Just do it!" Jin yelled.

"Uh…" _crap, that's got spit from everyone in the kitchen! Wait, I'm Hwoarang, I can find a way out of this!_ There was an awkward silence as Hwoarang looked back and forth between the glass and Jin. Jin and Anna stared at him. Hwoarang took a deep breath. "Screw you, I ain't drinking it!" Hwoarang ran from the table and into the safety of the kitchen.

"Idiot." Jin mumbled, grabbing the wine bottle and taking a swig. He glanced over at Anna and wished he hadn't; the brunette was eating her salad slowly. _Really_ slowly, shoving only the first half of her fork into her mouth and dragging it out of her still closed lips at her leisure. Her eyes never left his face the whole time.

"Do you really have to eat like that?" Jin asked, a little disturbed.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She replied, pressing a crouton to her bottom lip with her finger. She rolled it into her mouth. "Does it bother you, Mr. Kazama?"

"Yes." He answered, just a little scared. "And just call me Jin, please."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?" He asked, irritated.

"Because it doesn't sound as sexy." She replied, leaning her chest forward. _I swear those things have a mind of their own…_He thought, and had to break his eyes from their hypnotic effect.

"You do know about the Devil Gene, don't you?" Jin asked.

"Yes."

"Then why would you-"

"Jin, Jin, Jin." Anna waved a finger in time with his name. "Just because people have sex doesn't mean they're going to have kids." She gave a sly grin. "Sometimes you just do it for fun. No, for _pleasure_."

"I…I'm not going to take that chance." _What is her problem!?_

"I wasn't asking." Anna said in a dangerous tone, and Jin had a feeling of absolute dread.

"What did you just say to me?"

"Your virginity is mine, Mr. Kazama!" Jin screamed as Anna lunged across the table. He whacked her head with the breadstick basket before crawling away. Anna crawled after him, pulling on his leg and yanking it towards her. He yelped again, his fingers dragging along the carpeted floor, but to no avail.

"Help!" Jin yelled, and he could hear hoots of laughter coming from the kitchen. "Assholes." He muttered when he realized no one was coming to his aid.

"Now, you're going to be a good boy, Mr. Kazama, or maybe you can be a bad boy…" Anna stopped trying to crawl on him, scratching at her face. Jin used that opportunity to shove her off of him and get as far away as possible.

"Hwoarang!" She yelled, scratching even harder at her face. "Hwoarang get in here _right now_!"

Hwoarang walked into the room, still laughing. He made sure to laugh directly at Jin before turning to Anna.

"Something the matter, madam?" He asked in his most obnoxious imitation of concern.

"What the hell did that moron put in my salad!" She asked, now ripping off her gloves to scratch at her arms.

"Well, let's see, there was some lettuce, cabbage, carrots, croutons, one boiled egg, some cheese and finely grated shrimp." Anna gave him her most menacing glare.

"DID YOU JUST SAY SHRIMP!?" Hwoarang was just barely holding back laughter.

"Yes-"

"I'M ALLERGIC TO SHRIMP!" She shrieked, throwing a wine glass at Hwoarang. He ducked and it smashed against the wall. "I'm going to kill that moron-" Anna was interrupted by snickering much too high pitched to be Paul's. In the kitchen doorframe stood Nina, decked out in a white chef's jacket and matching hat.

"I thought you said Paul was the Chef?" Jin turned to Hwoarang. The Korean shrugged.

"He's in charge of main courses. _Nina's _in charge of the salads."

"I'll kill you, you fat stupid hippo!" Anna wailed before charging at her older sister.

"Aw, is baby sister still hungry?" She asked cruelly as she was tackled down. "Don't worry, I saved you some extra shrimp!" She reached into her apron and flung small morsels of shrimp at Anna, laughing when one got stuck in her hair.

"Bitch!"

Jin ran out of the private dining room and into the cool night street. Sounded like he escaped just in time; crashes could be heard from within the fancy restaurant.

"Never…again." He huffed, not looking back as he ran for home. But his next date would occur much too soon.

End Chapter

**A/N: Yep, a little stupid. Okay, totally stupid, and Anna probably wasn't the funniest situation, but I figured she would be one of the female characters that would be less offensive to start off with. Since I do want people to give it a chance and all. Review, tell me if it was funny or lame, and of course, who you'd like to see Jin date next. I'll be waiting!**


	2. Date Two: Lili Rochefort

Disclaimer: Yada-yada, don't own Tekken, you get the point. And of course, I'm not trying to offend anyone's favorite pairings, merely over dramatizing and being dumb.

Chapter Two: Lili's date

All was dark and eerily quiet, until a blinding light flashed to illuminate a stage. In the center stood Heihachi, strange gray hair and broad face scary in the lighting.

"Welcome," He said in a deep voice. "To Date That Loser!" The crowds (visible now that another light came on) all cheered, and Heihachi seemed to be enjoying the attention when Kazuya cruelly pushed him off of the stage with a look of disdain.

"Off my stage, you filthy animal." He growled. Jun walked up beside him, sighing as she grabbed the microphone. She put on an uneasy smile.

"Last time, you witnessed my poor son's date with none other than the promiscuous Anna Williams." Jun explained as Heihachi began clawing his way back up the stage. Kazuya kicked him back down. "Which ended in disaster."

"I would have had him if it weren't for my baboon sister!" Anna yelled, and a light illuminated a huge set of bleachers with all of the Tekken fighters (except for Jin) seated on it. Both Anna and Nina were bruised.

"Oh shut up, like he'd go with a cougar like you." Nina spat, rubbing some Antibiotic cream on a cut.

"Anyways." Jun went on before Anna could retort. "It's not that simple. Because while the contestant is on the date, certain fighters, usually their rivals, are sent to try to sabotage their chances of winning."

"Like me!" Hwoarang said proudly. Anna threw her shoe at him, and it hit him on the head.

"There may be some confusion about this show. Well, we're here to clear some things up." Kazuya said. "For example, there are rules."

"No voting for yourself to date Jin." Jun said.

"Yeah, we've got plenty of losers for that job." Kazuya said, and the Jin fans who'd thought of voting for themselves booed.

"Yes, and," Heihachi said, having finally managed to get back up from the back. "Most of you thought this was Tekken Blind Dating. Well, that was a lie. Only _Jin_ thinks this is a blind dating show."

"The real object of this show," Jun said. "Is for the competitors to date Jin and try to get him to agree to a second date. Whoever can accomplish this will win one million US dollars."

"You may be wondering why every Tekken fighter is seated before you." Kazuya began, smirking at certain fighters. "and not just females. It's because they were all forced to."

"And we were forced to host." Jun added in a flat voice.

"Since we can't date Jin, or that would be sick!" Heihachi told the room. The audience all either gagged or made gagging noises at the sick mental images the old man had conjured up. He glared at them.

"But I'm his uncle!" Lee interrupted from beside Anna. "Nobody thinks that's wrong!?"

"You were adopted." Kazuya and Heihachi said in unison.

"Oh, shut up, Lee, I'm actually his cousin, that's incest!" Asuka yelled. (Not trying to insult any Jin/Asuka fans here…)

"And people still think it's great, so shut up." Heihachi commanded. The Asuka fans booed him.

"I wasn't talking to you, you stupid fat old loser!"

"Loser?! You take that back!" Heihachi screamed.

"Bite me!" Asuka replied.

"Um…here's how we were all forced into this." Jun said, seeing that the room was becoming increasingly hostile. "Jim, if you'd roll the clip…"

The room dimmed as the screen lit up, revealing a long table with all of the Tekken fighters seated at it. At the very end was a girl with brown hair, freckles and a medium build.

"And just why are we here again?" Steve asked.

"Because, Tekken Interviews got cancelled, and that makes us all very sad." The girl said, bowing her head. Hwoarang snorted.

"More like you said to come to your little dinner party or you'd post stupid clips of us everywhere." He muttered.

"And you promised free food." Paul added.

"Yeah, yeah, it's coming. In fact, here's the appetizer." She said as waiters came in with plates of salad.

"Hey, how long has it been since this show was cancelled, anyways?" Lei asked.

"Oh, about a year, something like that." The girl said.

"And you're only having a party for it now?" Julia asked skeptically.

"And even though you're older, you're still the same loser?" Kazuya asked.

"Am not! Ah, don't punch me!" The girl ducked under the table. Kazuya put his fist down and sighed. Apparently the girl wasn't even worth it.

"Hey, is that something beeping in my salad?" Jin asked, noticing a red flickering light in his dish.

"First you all pick on my stupidity, now you insult my beeping salads, how much more torment do I have to go through!?" The girl threw up her hands dramatically.

"Well, it would be rude…" Christie said, and they all shrugged before digging in. The clip ended, and the room was lit again.

"Okay, why would we eat the beeping salads?" Christie realized.

"The girl filled the cups with stupid juice." Kazuya said bitterly. Everyone groaned.

"What did the beeping salads do?" An audience member asked.

"If we don't participate, we get a mental image of Marduk in a bikini." Jun said, eye twitching slightly. The other fighters shuddered. Steve, who was sitting by Marduk turned to him.

"Why did you shudder?" He asked.

"They sent a mental image of Bob in a bikini." He groaned.

"And I bet I still look better than you." Bob argued.

"No, you're too fat for something so revealing." Marduk shot.

"Well, at least I'm not a hairy-"

"That's enough!" Michelle yelled. "Just shut up!"

"Now, let's see how Jin's doing." Heihachi smiled, clicking the remote and tuning everyone in on Jin's life.

***

Jin waited at the base of a mountain for his second blind date. _Just great, a hike, how fun will that be?_ He thought. _That means I'm probably with Julia._ He braced himself for another one of her long-winded conversations having to do with nature and peace and all that other crap when Lili walked up.

"Are you ready?" She asked sassily.

"Lili? You? They matched me up with _you_?" _She's like, sixteen, I'm twenty-one! That's…ew!_

"No need to sound so offended." she said, flicking her hair back. "Are we going or not?" _If I didn't keep seeing Marduk in my head, I so wouldn't be here! Then again, maybe I can get some of that Million…and then there'll be no chance for Asuka to get rich._ Having finally found a reason to try, she smiled. "I'm sorry, that was rude. Let's go, shall we?" Jin nodded.

They began their hike up, and Lili tried to start conversation. "Did you hear about Brad and Angelina?"

"Who?" Jin asked. He didn't remember anyone by those names…

"Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? The American actors?" Jin shook his head. "How about Paula Abdul?"

"I don't read gossip magazines." He said bluntly. Lili rolled her eyes. A few steps later, she nearly tripped over a root.

"Ah!" She managed to regain her footing, but glared at the root. "You think they would have paved the trail."

"Why would they do that?" Jin asked. He kind of liked the unruly trail, it reminded him of living with Jun.

"Did you not just see what happened back there? I could have twisted my ankle!" Jin decided to ignore her.

_Crap!_ Lili thought as they walked in silence. _How am I supposed to win a second date if he doesn't agree with anything I say?_ She then remembered one thing that they had in common. "Isn't it great to be rich?" She said with a grin.

"What?" Jin asked. _What is with this girl?_

"It's great, right? Do what you want to, go where you want to, no one disrespects you…"

"Not to your face, anyways." Jin muttered.

"What?" Lili asked, and they stopped beneath an oak tree.

"Don't act like you don't know what they call you." Jin said.

"What do they call me? Who?"

"Well, for starters, almost everyone older than thirty calls you a brat." Jin began.

"Well duh, old people hate young people!"

"And Asuka calls you the overlord of obese Amazons." Jin recalled.

"She's my rival! Of course she's going to say mean things!" Lili said defensively.

"And Hwoarang and Steve call you Lili Rochefart."

"Rochefart!? How dare they spit upon my family name!" Lili seethed. "I'm going to kill them in the next tournament!" They began walking again, Lili setting a much quicker pace in her anger.

_Well, that shut her up._ Jin thought, pleased with himself. That was the problem with most girls he knew, they couldn't shut up.

"We can stop soon." She broke the silence with determined calm. "There's a rest house/restaurant coming up." Jin looked over to see she was reading a tiny brochure map. He simply nodded and they continued down the winding trail.

"There." Lili sighed as they entered the shade of the building. They sat at a small table and picked up the old style menus. Jin remembered the last time he'd been in a restaurant and quickly scanned the employees. None of them seemed to be Tekken fighters…

"Room for two more?" Lili and Jin looked up to see Asuka and Steve standing by their table, both donned in hiking clothing.

"No, I'm afraid not." Lili said, lifting her nose as she spoke.

"Thanks." Asuka said, ignoring her. "So, Jin and Lili, what an unlikely pairing." Jin looked down as Steve sniggered.

"It's also none of your business." Lili said stiffly.

"Speaking of business, I was just curious," Steve began, leaning on his elbows. "Isn't Jin running your dad out of business?" He inquired in polite tones. Lili glared.

"Well, maybe we're negotiating."

"On a mountain hike?" Asuka quirked a brow.

"I'd watch out, Jin, I think she's using you." Steve whispered.

"I'm right here!" Lili yelled, and the whole restaurant turned to look at her. "I wasn't talking to you!" They all hastily returned to their meals.

Jin picked at a splinter on the table. He could find no reason for sticking around. They had nothing in common, he was richer than she was, and she was too young for his taste. As soon as they got out of that restaurant, he'd walk her back down, and they'd part their ways, and hopefully Steve and Asuka wouldn't blab about what a pedophile he was.

"You guys up for a hiking competition?" Asuka asked.

"What do you mean?" Lili asked back.

"Me and Steve versus you and Jin. Whoever gets to the top of the mountain wins."

"What's the wager?" Lili asked.

"If you guys win, I'll tell everyone that you're better than me and Steve will pour coleslaw down Hwoarang's pants." Jin looked up with interest.

"And if we lose?" Lili asked, narrowing her eyes.

"You have to answer to Rochefart in the next tournament, and Jin has to spend an evening with Heihachi." Asuka said.

"Are you game?" Steve asked Jin.

"You're on." He answered, getting up. The rest of the table stood up as well. They walked out and Asuka led them toward a trail that split off in two directions.

"Your pick." Asuka said. Lili pulled out her map and consulted it for a moment before answering.

"We'll take the left." She answered.

"Ready?" Steve asked, already situated by the right trail. Jin and Lili stepped onto the left. "Go!" All four young fighters ran up their trails. Jin and Lili ran uphill, and soon they couldn't see Asuka and Steve at all.

"Hurry up." Jin complained. He was several paces ahead of her.

"Well, I'm _sorry_ but this is my first time hiking!" She back-sassed. Jin shook his head before continuing up the trail. Maybe if he got there first, he could push Asuka and Steve off the mountain until Lili made it up.

"Ah!" Jin groaned and turned to see that Lili had encountered a bear. Not just any bear, it was Kuma.

"Get, get back you stupid animal!" she screamed, backing away from the grizzly.

"Relax, it's just Kuma." Jin said, but soon realized she had reason to be frightened; Kuma was wielding a shotgun. "Kuma, what the hell?"

In response, the bear held up a dry erase board: "I heard Panda thinks armed robberies on stupid spoiled rich kids are hot."

"Oh, you idiot, we're going to lose!" Lili complained before kicking his face. The bear didn't drop his weapon.

"It's not like he even knows how to use it, he doesn't even have thumbs-" Jin ducked as a bullet soared over his head. "Why you fat mother-"

"Ah!" Lili screamed again before pushing Jin into Kuma and running up the mountain.

"You can't just leave me here you stuck up-" Kuma pressed the gun to his back as Lili disappeared from view. "Alright, shoot me, and I'll go devil on your furry ass." Jin threatened. He heard the bear cock the trigger.

Two minutes later…

Jin stood in his devil form over an unconscious Kuma. He glared at the greedy bear before kicking him down the trail.

"Now I have a competition to win." He muttered, flying over the trees and to the meeting spot. He transformed back into his human form only to see that Asuka and Steve were laughing at Lili.

"It's not fair, there was a trigger happy bear on our trail!" Lili argued.

"So, you agreed to it, and you lost, Rochefart." Asuka said, waving a hand.

"Oh, forget this." Jin said, turning back towards the trail. "I'm out."

"Wait, Jin!" Lili tried to get his attention. "I uh, I feel awful about this, how about you let me make it up to you by-"

"You pushed me into a bear!" He yelled.

"Which is why I feel bad." Lili shrugged.

Jin glared at her. "You can go down with Steve and Asuka." Was all he said before walking down the trail he'd just come from. The three remaining looked at each other.

"I guess we go back to the show." Steve said, and the girls shrugged.

Back at the show…

"And it looks like another epic fail on the part of Jin!" Heihachi announced. "And he better be coming to hang out with me."

"And Lili." Jun added. "And I don't think he's going to." Heihachi glared at her.

"Rochefart!" Hwoarang said, and the entire stand of Tekken fighters laughed.

"Who will my poor son be forced to date next?" Jun asked the audience as much as herself. "We don't know-"

"Or care." Kazuya interrupted.

"But you can suggest who you'd like to see, starting….now!" Jun said, slicing through the air with her hand.

End Chapter

**A/N: hope you liked it, and I hope I didn't offend too many people out there. Just remember, all for fun. It might be the last update for a while, since I start college tomorrow :P Have fun, and happy reading!**


	3. Date Three: Nina Williams

Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken. I do however, own some awesome Mickey Mouse Pajamas. He looks all pissed of like he's gonna beat you up, lol.

Date Three: Nina Williams

Lili, Steve, and Asuka returned to the set of _Date That Loser_, Steve and Asuka laughing as they kept pace with Lili.

"Rochefart!" Hwoarang laughed, pointing at Lili. A majority of the Tekken fighters laughed along as well, and Lili clenched her fists.

"Shut up you morons! I do not have to answer to that!"

"Well, I guess it's because the tournament hasn't started yet, technically." Christie said, and the stands shook with laughter.

"No, it's because me and Jin didn't lose! Kuma was-KUMA!" Lili stopped when she spotted the bear sitting next to Heihachi, who was bandaging his beloved pet.

"Can't you see he's been hurt enough you monster!" Heihachi yelled, tripping her before she could harm the bear. Kuma nodded fervently, rubbing a bald patch as proof.

"You guys shouldn't be so mean, you should treat each other with compassion." Everyone turned from their spots to see a girl with black hair streaked with green sitting smack dab in the middle of the stands.

"Who's that?" Yoshimitsu asked Kunimitsu.

"Why are you sitting next to me?" Kunimitsu asked before punching him off of the seat. "But seriously, who is that?" She turned to King.

"They call her Mary Sue." King said ominously, and Miguel shook a couple of maracas dramatically for effect.

"Okay…" Kunimitsu said, confused.

"Oh god, kill it!" Xiaoyu yelled.

"Well, that's not very pleasant." Mary Sue said.

"I completely agree." Hwoarang said. "In fact, I am willing to give up my horrible ways of disobeying my master and scamming people on the streets because I totally and completely love you."

"What's wrong with him?" Steve asked, backing away.

"It's part of her evil curse, stay back, boy." Kazuya warned. "Launch!" He yelled, and Jun pushed a button. Mary Sue's seat lifted, effectively ejecting her from the studio.

"NOOOOO!" Hwoarang yelled.

"Snap out of it!" Julia exclaimed, slapping him upside the head.

"Hey, don't hit me!" Hwoarang replied, coming back to his senses.

"Watch out, there's supposed to be a boy version." Zafina warned.

"What's that one called?" Christie asked.

"Gary Stu." King said in a low voice, Miguel again accompanying him with maracas.

"Don't make me take those away again." Heihachi said, narrowing his eyes. Miguel hid the maracas behind his back.

"Um…Welcome to another wonderful episode of Date That Wonderful Boy with Superb Upbringing!" Jun said with a smile. Everyone stared at her.

"Jun, it's Date That Loser, stick to your lines." Kazuya said with disapproval.

"Yes, well, I can't help that I love my son." Jun said, and Hwoarang and Steve snickered. "Ahem, last time, you witnessed the catastrophe that was Jin dating Lili."

"The bear!" Lili yelled in her defense, but was ignored.

"And you voted, America, and perhaps other countries." Heihachi added.

"And decided that Jin should date that slut assassin Nina Williams." Kazuya told the audience.

"Oh, that'll end well." Marshall said sarcastically.

"What do you mean?" Forrest asked.

"Come on, it's Nina. I don't think she's even been on a date. Well, with a man anyways."

"Shows how much you know." Lee said smugly. Paul and the Laws looked at him.

"Like Marshall said, never with a dude." Lee glared as the American friends laughed at him.

"Just for that, I'm going to win this competition." Lee told them.

"Dude, that's not helping your point!" Forrest exclaimed, and Paul and Marshall laughed.

"Oh, you laugh now, but you won't be laughing when I, owner of a robotics company and numerous condos in the Bahamas, am a million dollars richer while you idiots are still trying to pay off his hospital bill and his bike bill." Lee said, pointing first at Forrest, then at Paul. They fell silent at his mean comments.

"You know what, Lee, I don't think you have what it takes to get Jin to say yes." Paul said, and both Laws nodded.

"Oh god, really?" Michelle asked from behind them, but no one paid her any attention.

"And I think that I am so hot, that even though Forrest is most likely gay, I would have a better chance of getting that million because I am the king of seduction." Lee proclaimed, folding his arms over his chest.

"Oh, get ready to lose." Forrest said, giving him a thumbs down.

"What are you morons talking about over there?" Kazuya asked.

"They're making a stupid deal about-"

"Shut up, Michelle!" All four men said in unison. She rolled her eyes before deciding it wasn't worth it.

"Everyone shut up, we're about to see Jin's date." Heihachi said, and the room grew quiet as Jin appeared on the screen.

***

Jin was waiting at the entrance of a zoo impatiently. Honestly, how many dates would he have to go through? He sighed.

"As long as she's not crazy…as long as she's not crazy." He repeated to himself. Although, knowing the Tekken fighters, he knew it wasn't very likely that he'd get a sane date. Ever. A black sports car sped down the street, screeching to a halt in front of Jin. The passenger door flung open.

"Williams?" He peered in to see the blonde's face.

"Get in!" She commanded. Figuring that she was even more of a noob to the dating world than he was, he shrugged before getting in. She pulled away from the curb before speeding off.

"I thought we were scheduled to feed the llamas?" Jin asked, and Nina snorted.

"Puh-leaze, like I was going to feed some ugly slobbering animal. I fed Anna the other night, remember?"

"Harsh." Jin commented, but Nina ignored him and kept driving at a dangerous speed. "Hey, where are we going, anyways?"

"I thought we'd try something a little different, today." Nina said, a smile curving on her lips. Jin didn't like the sound of that.

"Like what?" He asked, not sure if he wanted to know.

"Robbing Anna's house."

"What?!" The car screeched to a halt outside of a rather large house with polished wood doorframes and tinted windows. Nina grabbed a big sack and tossed another to Jin.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Nina asked.

"I'll stay here, if that's alright with you." Jin replied flatly, leaning back into his seat.

"Alright, suit yourself." Nina replied, getting out of the car. "But don't you come crying to me if Anna comes home early and decides to take advantage of the fact that you're alone in a confined area."

"Okay, okay, I'm coming." Jin was out of the car before Nina could set foot on the driveway. She smirked as she made her way up.

"Why are we doing this in broad daylight?" Jin asked as Nina picked the lock to the front door. He looked back and forth nervously, but there were no nosy neighbors spying on them.

"Because that cow is probably shopping. You see, she's like that one anime bimbo, what was her name…" Nina stopped picking the lock while she thought. "Oh yeah, Sailor Moon."

"How is Anna like Sailor Moon?" Jin failed to see the similarities.

"Fighting evil by moonlight, living love by daylight, right?" Jin nodded to Nina's recitation, still not understanding. "Well, Anna sexes around like a filthy whore by moonlight, and shops and tries to find more hook ups by daylight. It's less likely that she'll be here." She smiled as the lock came off of the door. "Get in!" She commanded, and he followed her in.

Meanwhile, at the petting zoo…

"Where the hell are they?" Anna asked angrily. She and Lei were hiding behind a haystack, waiting for Jin and Nina to show up. "How am I supposed to push her into her rightful family if she doesn't come!" Anna gestured to the pig pen in anger.

"I don't know." Lei yawned. This was really boring…

"Ugh, and I could be shopping or looking for potential sex right now!" Anna punched the haystack in her irritation. Lei began backing away from her, but she had already taken notice of him.

"You're not half bad." She said, sizing him up.

"Well, um, uh…" A blush rose to his cheeks at her open promiscuousness. Women did _not_ act like that in China.

"Or are you going to pansy out on me like Jin?" She asked bitterly.

"I don't think this is something we should be discussing right now, I think we should be looking for Jin and Nina." Lei said, flustered. She sat down, but there was a predatory look in her eyes. _Oh, rich heritage, give me strength._ He thought.

Back at Anna's house…

Jin sat on Anna's couch, flipping through the channels on her high definition TV. Nina was going through various rooms, taking certain things that had sentimental value to Anna.

"Is this even a date?" Jin called down the hallway. He heard Nina sigh.

"If you're going to get so whiny about it, we can go to dinner after we pawn of some of Anna's things." Nina told him. He shrugged. It wouldn't have been the worst date he had.

_This is so easy!_ Nina thought, shoving Anna's favorite perfume into her sack. _At this rate he'll say yes to next time just because this is the closest he gets to relaxing! Then I'll get a million, and that will be that._ She grinned to herself.

"Uh, Nina?"

"What?" She couldn't keep the mean edge off of her voice.

"I think Anna's here."

"Crap."

"Will she recognize the car?" Jin asked. True, they'd parked across the streets, but still…

"No, I stole it from that moron Lei."

"Hey, is that my car?" They heard Lei say outside.

"Hide!" Nina ordered. Jin turned off the TV, looking around the room for a place to hide before Nina pulled him into the closet.

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure she'll go into the bedroom." Nina said, clutching the sack close to her.

"Oh, Lei, I'm so glad we decided to come here tonight." Anna said in a husky voice. Nina and Jin shuddered.

"I'll admit, I had my doubts, Anna, but I don't regret coming here." Jin's eye twitched.

"Oh, Lei, I can't wait for the bedroom." Both Jin and Nina paled at the sound of that.

"Let's do it right outside of the closet." Lei said.

"Okay, that's enough!" Nina yelled, bursting from the closet.

"Why Nina, Jin, you've come out of the closet." Lei observed.

"See, I told you they'd be here!" Anna said, pointing at Jin and Nina.

"Why you little hooker, you set this whole thing up!" Nina realized.

"You tried to rob me!" Anna noticed the bag in Nina's hand. She pulled out a revolver and began shooting at Nina and Jin.

"Holy crap!" Jin yelled, diving out of the way.

"Oh, don't act like you haven't been shot at!" Nina yelled, running for the door.

"Give back my things you little skank!" Nina turned around and began returning fire.

"Ah, man, I am out." Lei said, running out of the house.

"Wait for me!" Jin yelled, following after.

"Aw, there goes your date!" Anna laughed, pointing at Jin and Lei's rapidly retreating figures.

"You idiot!" Nina ran towards Anna, shooting even more bullets with another gun.

Jin and Lei kept running and didn't look back. The camera panned out, and Kazuya turned off the TV.

"Well, there you have it, another date failed." Jun said.

"Like anyone's surprised." Kazuya muttered. The Jin/Nina fans let out sighs of disappointment.

"You can hope for a better date next time by voting for who you want to see next time on Date That Loser!

End Chapter

**A/N: There you go, another chapter. Sorry if the characters were even more ridiculous than they usually would be, I've been writing angst all day, so when I let the humor loose, I wasn't really thinking. Muahaha, I updated all of my fanfics in one day, booya! And I own a laptop! But now I'm tired, so again, sorry if this wasn't the best, I don't mean to offend, and I hope you enjoyed it regardless. Oh, and please refrain from voting for Tekken 6 fighters just yet, because I haven't really gotten a feel for their characters just yet. Wait until the game comes out, please. And I'm talking about BR characters too, to those of you who think you're smart.**


	4. Date Four: Ling Xiaoyu

Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken. Woo, big shocker.

Date Four: Ling Xiaoyu

Jun, Heihachi and Kazuya prepared for the show backstage, in a large, shared dressing room.

"Ugh, the ratings for this show are ridiculous!" Jun grimaced at the paper before her. "The trash people watch nowadays."

"Famous…I'm so famous." Heihachi sang to himself, brushing his strange hair in front of the only mirror. Kazuya punched him.

"I hate how he has good self-esteem, now. Do you know how long it took me to make him feel worthless?" Kazuya grumbled. Before Jun could answer, there was a knock on the door.

"I've got it." Jun said, getting up from the couch. She opened the door, and Jim, a middle aged man with brown hair and green eyes, entered with a stack of boxes.

"What now?" Kazuya asked, glaring at the boxes.

"The idiot says you guys have to dress up for the Halloween special." Jim muttered, dropping the boxes on the couch.

"You're joking." Jun said flatly.

"Hey, if you like seeing Bob and or Marduk in a bikini, you go ahead and not do it." Jim said before walking out of the room. Heihachi picked himself off of the floor and eagerly pushed his son and daughter-in-law out of the way.

"Ooh, this one has my name on it!" He cried before picking up the box and running to the corner of the room to open it. Jun and Kazuya glared spitefully towards the old man before picking up their own packages.

"Wonder Woman?" Jun asked as she held up the superhero costume. "But she hardly wears anything!"

"Still more than Christie." Kazuya commented before ripping open his package. "Batman? Well, at least he's not like those other fruits." He mumbled, not ready to admit that he was an avid Batman fan.

"Yay!" Jun and Kazuya looked over (but wished they hadn't) to see Heihachi dressed from head to furry toe in a Kuma costume. "Won't Kuma be pleased!"

"I hope they killed Kuma for that costume." Kazuya said. Jun shook her head at him.

"You're on in five." Jim's voice called through the door. Jun sighed.

"Better get changed. See you onstage." she said, picking up her costume and heading toward the bathroom.

About five minutes later…

The stage was decked out in orange and black decorations, along with some generic Halloween props. Jun, Kazuya and Heihachi walked out in their costumes.

"Hello, and welcome to another episode of-" Heihachi cut Jun off.

"Date that Loser!"

"As you may have or may not have noticed, all of the Tekken six characters are being held captive in a cage." Kazuya gestured to the right of the Tekken stand, where, indeed, all of the Tekken six characters were trapped. "This is because you are not allowed to vote for any of them until Tekken 6 is released. When the game is released, they'll be released."

"You can't keep us in here!" Lars yelled defiantly.

"Shut up, it's only for a couple of days." Heihachi said. "Now, viewers, you all voted, and though Alisa won-"

"I should be out with that chance for a million!" Alisa spat.

"SHUT UP!" All of the other fighters yelled.

"Anyways, even though it should have been the Boskonovitch girl…robot…thingy, the Producer was forced to go with the runner up, which was none other than Ling Xiaoyu." Heihachi announced.

"Hey, question!" Steve interrupted, hand raised high in the air. Nina smacked his head.

"If you have a question, just spit it out!" she scolded, still bitter over losing her chance. Anna, just as black and blue as her sister, laughed from the other side of the bleachers.

"What is it, Steve?" Jun asked.

"Why are we all wearing Halloween costumes?" He pointed to his own outfit, which looked suspiciously like Sherlock Holmes. "And how dare you stereotype me!" Nina smacked her forehead, ashamed of her DNA link to him.

"Pipe down." Kazuya said, feeling way too cool with his cape. "That will be explained shortly.

"Uh, thank you, Kazuya." Jun said. "Anyways…today is very special because not only is it Halloween, but there's been a special allowance for the other fighters."

"Which is?" Hwoarang asked, dressed as Demitri from Darkstalkers.

"Nice spandex tuxedo." Forrest snorted, dressed as Bruce Lee. Hwoarang hit him off of the bleachers.

"Today, Jin's date with Xiaoyu consists of going Trick-or-Treating with her." Jun's voice was drowned out by the hysterical laughter that came from the bleachers and cage.

"He's gonna look like such a pedophile!" Raven laughed, looking very accurate in his Blade costume.

"Oh, that date's going straight down the crapper!" Paul added, dressed as Guile from Street fighter.

"Are you finished!?" Jun yelled over the laughter. A few fighters weakly nodded, and soon, it settled down. "As I was saying, they will be trick-or-treating. Every Tekken fighter that is not in a cage will either be staged in the neighborhood houses or out on the streets as fellow trick-or-treaters.

"So everyone gets to try to sabotage them?" Julia asked, looking a lot like Lara Croft.

"I get first dibs!" Kazuya called, taking out a grappling hook. He shot it and swung to the exit, leaping down and sprinting.

"Loser!" Bruce (Mike Tyson) yelled, and all of the fighters ran off of the stage in pursuit.

"Hello!?" Zafina screamed. "What about us!?" The lights went off as the door slammed.

"I hate them." Leo muttered.

Quite a few hours later…

Jin stood on a lonely street corner, waiting for his date to arrive. He wondered if she would even be able to recognize him in his Zack Fair outfit. He sighed. Honestly, trick or treating as a date? Who was he dating, a five year old? There was a tap on his shoulder, and he quickly spun around.

"Hey, Jin!" Before him stood a pretty convincing Rinoa Heartilly. She even had her finger pointed in the air.

"Xiao?" He asked, and she nodded.

"Final Fantasy always gets the coolest costumes." She grinned. "You ready?"

"Yeah, I guess." _She's crazy if she thinks I'm actually going door-to-door begging for candy-OH GOD MY EYES!_ Jin cringed away from the horror that was Bob in a two piece. _Okay, I guess I am going trick-or-treating._

"I guess you wouldn't really match as Squall Leonhart, huh?" Xiaoyu asked, looking up.

"No. And you would have made an awkward Aeris." Jin added.

"It's Aerith, now." Xiaoyu reminded him.

"Not if you were a fan in the beginning." Jin muttered.

"Kind of a bummer, though." She said as they began to walk. "I always get matching costumes for Halloween; last year me and Miharu went as Salt and Pepper, and the year before that me and Panda were Pocahontas and Miko." Jin looked confused.

"How did you get Panda to look like a raccoon?"

"Oh, no, she was being a brat that year. _I _had to be Miko." Xiaoyu explained.

"Oh." Jin said lamely. "Well…don't worry too much about that, Aeris and Zack die, and Squall and Rinoa are a crappy couple anyways."

"So…you die and lord knows what happens to me in Kingdom Hearts?"

"You're probably a Heartless." Jin answered. Xiaoyu grinned and Jin made a face when the closest house was only a few seconds away.

"Trick or Treat!" Xiaoyu sang, knocking on the door. An old man opened the door.

"Go away, you can't have any of my candy!" He snarled.

"Grandpa Wang?" Xiaoyu asked, squinting at him. She shook her head. "Give us some candy you old miser!"

"Never!" He yelled, shoving a handful of candy corn into his mouth before slamming the door.

"Oh, well, let's go to the next-"

"No." Xiaoyu said, an angry look on her face. "We offered trick or treat. He didn't give the treat. You know what that means." She pulled a roll of toilet paper from her backpack.

"Um, Xiao?" Jin asked, but she was already tossing the roll over the house. "Is that even Wang's house?"

"It doesn't matter!" Xiaoyu yelled. "Now get on the other side and toss it back!"

"Hey!" Wang poked his head out of the window. "I'm going to call the cops on you whippersnappers!"

"Bail!" Xiaoyu ordered, and the two ran into the darkness. They ran for about a block before deciding it was safe to trick-or-treat again. Panting, they approached the next house.

"Okay, go for it." Jin said, and Xiaoyu rang the next doorbell.

"Trick or Treat!" Xiaoyu exclaimed. The door swung open to reveal Lee impersonating Sephiroth.

"So, we meet again, Zaksu." Lee said, an evil grin forming on his face.

"Quit being a dork and hand over the candy." Jin grumbled, holding out his sack.

"Oh, who kould it be?" Anna stepped behind Lee, her arms wrapping around his chest. "My enemy, Rinoa Heartilly."

"Okay, fine, don't give us the candy." Jin said.

"Attack!" Lee yelled, pulling out a long sword. "I'm gonna do to you what I did to Aeris, hahaha!"

"You're crazy!" Xiaoyu yelled before her and Jin were again sent running.

"If my date ended horribly, yours must end in TRAGEDY!" Anna yelled, and she and Lee ran in pursuit.

"I hate them so much." Jin muttered as they ran.

"Are we safe yet?" Xiaoyu asked once they'd been running for a few minutes. Jin cautiously looked back, and indeed the promiscuous couple was no where to be seen. They both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay, next house." Jin said.

"This sucks, we didn't even get any candy." Xiaoyu complained as she rang the doorbell. Asuka answered.

"Sailor Mercury?" Xiaoyu asked. Asuka shrugged.

"Cute, right?" Jin rolled his eyes. "Why don't you two come in, we're having a costume party."

"That sounds pretty good, actually." Jin said, and they entered.

A majority of the younger fighters were in the area, all chatting, drinking, and just having fun.

"Hey, Xiaoyu!" The girl turned to see Steve looking even more British than usual. "You know, they're having a bunch of games in the next room, and there's a crap load of candy as prizes.

"Candy? About time!" Before Jin could say anything his friend was bounding off after Sherlock Holmes to the next room. Jin sighed, picking up a cup of fruit punch. Dating a friend was awkward, and as much as he shuddered to think about who his next date would be, he would just have to turn Xiaoyu down.

"Hi, Jin." A soprano chorus of voices called. He looked up from his drink to see Asuka, Christie, Julia, Lili, Miharu and Panda cluttered around him.

"Uh…hi." He said awkwardly, not liking the way that Panda was staring at him. It reminded him too much of Anna.

"How's your Halloween going?" Christie-as-super girl asked.

"Pretty good, I guess." Jin answered.

"You're not getting tired of babysitting?" Lili the Ballerina asked.

"Um, Xiaoyu's older than you." Jin shot, still bitter about the Kuma incident.

"Hey, _Zack_, you mind taking a picture with us?" Miharu (Aeris) and Panda (Tifa) grinned at him.

"Why is Panda Tifa?" Jin asked, not able to hold back the insulting tone.

"We drew straws." Miharu said dryly. "Picture?"

"Miharu, Panda!" Both jumped and looked guilty at the sight of Ling standing in the hall with an armful of candy. "How could you!? And Jin!"

"We were just talking! Like I'd do anything with Panda!" Jin was insulted beyond reason. Panda glared at him. But she still liked him.

"Get lost, Harpies!" Xiao yelled. _How am I ever supposed to get enough money for my amusement park if those hookers don't step off!?_

"All right, look, let's just go. I'll take you home, Xiao." Behind him, everyone else smirked triumphantly.

"What?" She couldn't have lost her chance, not so quickly!

"Come on." He said, opening the door. Outside stood a mob of Tekken fighters, led by Lee and Anna.

"Behold!" Lee yelled, jabbing his finger at Jin. "The man who has made our lives miserable in some way or another!"

"You know, he does have a good point." Julia said, folding her arms across her chest.

"What?" Jin was confused.

"Get him!" Anna commanded, and Jin found himself attacked from both sides.

"A little help?!" Jin called, but Xiaoyu was nowhere to be seen. Cursing, he pushed past the group of girls that had just been flirting with him and managed to escape out of the back door.

"That," He declared. "was the worst Halloween ever."

The next day, at Enix mansion…

"We have a warrant for the arrest of Rinoa Heartilly and Zack Fair." An officer explained to Vincent Valentine as two of his colleagues escorted Zack and Rinoa into the cruiser car. Vincent shrugged before walking back inside. Someone would bail them out.

"That's ridiculous! I didn't TP some old man's house! I was here all night long!" Rinoa yelled.

"And I was sleeping!" Zack whined.

"Tell it to the judge." One of the officers said.

"You people make me sick." the other officer said. "My father used to work at a toilet paper factory, and for what? So you punks can go waste his hard work!?"

"Oh, I get it, waste and toilet paper, that's so funny!" Zack started laughing, and the officer scowled at them both.

Seifer looked down from the highest window, smiling as he waved to Rinoa. Sometimes, life was funny.

At the set…

"And there you have it, a colossal screw up of a date between Ling and Jin." Jim said, sitting on the Tekken Six cage. "Where are the hosts, you ask? We don't know, we think they ditched for the rest of this episode. But remember, vote, and we'll see who will be the next fool to date that loser!"

"It should be me by default!" Alisa yelled. "I won-" The show cut to commercial before she could finish her rant.

End chapter

**A/N: Wow, that chapter had no order to it at all! Sorry about that, life's been crazy lately. Hope it was somewhat enjoyable, please don't get mad about pairing bashing, and have a lovely Halloween!**


	5. Date Five: Alisa Bosconovitch

Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken. None of em. But I do own Jim, and that's something. I think.

Date Five: Alisa Bosconovitch

Today, onstage, Jun, Kazuya and Heihachi are nowhere in sight. Replaced by them are a slightly familiar girl and the backstage guy, Jim.

"Hello, and welcome to another episode of Tekken Interviews! Oh crap, I mean, Date that loser! I'm the wonderful fill-in hostess Getemono, with my slave, Jim!"

"Boo! Bring back the hot hostess!" An audience member yelled.

"Hey, screw off! I can do whatever I like!" Getemono yelled back, sticking out her tongue. "Now, as you may or may not have noticed, for this special episode, all of the viewing Tekken fighters are in a huge cage!" She gestured to the giant cage that covered the bleachers. The fighters didn't look too happy.

"You said we would be let out of the cage!" Leo yelled.

"And you were. But you were put into a bigger cage. See, you have breathing space now."

"I'm gonna kick your ass when I get outta this cage!" Hwoarang yelled.

"And I will punch you in the face for humiliating me in your horrible show!" Steve said, narrowing his eyes.

"Where's the usual hosts?" Lili demanded to know.

"I'm getting to that! Anyways, last time, you all saw Xiaoyu's horrible fail of a date with Jin Kazama." Getemono summarized.

"I was sabotaged, I say, sabotaged!" Xiaoyu rattled against the cage bars.

"Pity." Jim commented. "And game nerds, you voted, and reached another tie."

"So I went with the girl who got a ridiculous amount of votes last time, the rookie Alisa Bosconovitch!" Getemono announced. "You know what Jim, I just thought of something."

"What?" He asked, obviously irritated.

"Why are all the girls getting the votes?" Getemono asked.

"What, you want yaoi to happen?"

"No, I don't think Jin is homo, but I'm just wondering where all the yaoi fan girls are. Oh god, I think I figured it out."

"What?" Jim asked flatly.

"They're saving up all the votes until all the females run out, so that it will be a guy that wins! I'm on to your plot!!" Getemono screamed, pointing at the camera.

"You done?" Jim bothered to ask.

"Yeah. Anyways, I know you're all wondering where Jun, Kazuya and Heihachi disappeared to."

"Well duh!" Christie yelled from the caged bleachers.

"Well, in the spirit of the holidays, they're going to attend Jin's date. You see, Alisa's wonderful date is to get through a Thanksgiving dinner with Jin's family!" The Tekken fighters looked mildly horrified at that.

"Whoa, glad I wasn't voted for." Julia said.

"She'll never win." Michelle added. "I almost feel sorry for her."

"Jim, say the warning, please." Getemono said.

"The following footage contains some spoilers and implied spoilers for Tekken Six: Bloodline Rebellion Scenario Campaign mode. Nothing shocking, you can look it up on youtube and wikipedia by now, I'm sure. Do not view if you don't want to be…spoiled." Jim finished lamely.

"Well, let's invade on their personal life, shall we?" Getemono asked, flipping on the giant TV.

Jin drove down the street, casting awkward glances towards Alisa. After everything that had happened, mainly him saying how useless she was, this was going to be an awkward drive to Mishima Mansion.

"I do not have any grudges against you, Jin Kazama." Alisa said with a sweet smile.

"Uh, thanks." Jin said. Then there was also the fact that he was pretty sure Lars had a thing for her…and she was a robot.

"Here we are." Jin said, pulling up the mansion. He wondered how this year's disaster would turn out. He and Alisa got out of the car, Alisa carrying a fresh apple pie.

"Hey." Jin greeted, walking into the dining room.

"Hello, honey." Jun beamed, going on her toes to give him a hug. Kazuya sneered and Asuka rolled her eyes. "Happy thanksgiving."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Kazama." Alisa said politely, handing her the pie.

"Pleasure to meet you, too." Jun smiled, grabbing the pie and heading to the kitchen. Jin looked at the table, which seemed fuller this year. Next to Kazuya was Asuka, who looked like she'd been dragged there. Lee sat next to her, which Jin didn't think was a good arrangement due to the glances he kept stealing at her chest. Across from Lee was Lars, who was joining them for the first time. And at the other end was Heihachi, Kuma, and Jinpachi. Jin raised an eyebrow.

"Why is Heihachi wearing a bear suit?" Jin asked.

"He hasn't taken it off since Halloween." Kazuya answered, glaring at his father.

"It's fuzzy, and comfortable, and-"

"Totally gross." Asuka interrupted.

"You take that back!" Heihachi demanded.

"Where's the gravy!?" The small old man that was Jinpachi demanded.

"We didn't start eating yet." Lee explained shortly.

"You're not my grandson!" Jinpachi raged.

"Alisa?" Lars asked, looking up at Jin. "Why are you-?"

"I hope that's not commotion I hear!" Jun called ominously from the kitchen. Indeed, Jinpachi had been about to fling a butter knife at Lee's head, and Heihachi was directing murderous glares at Asuka. It all stopped at the sound of Jun's anger. Lars gave Jin a sour look before Jun entered.

"Um, Jun?" Lars asked once Jin and Alisa had been seated.

"Yes, Lars?"

"Why is a bear sitting at the table." The veteran members of the family vigorously shook their heads, but Heihachi had already been insulted.

"_Kuma_ is family, and will be addressed as such. In fact, he is more of a son to me than you, Kazuya, and Asuka."

"What?" Asuka asked.

"You mean Lee you deluded fool!" Lee yelled.

"Enough!" Jun's voice cut through the chaos. "We're going to have a nice thanksgiving this year, _right_?"

"Yeah." Most of them answered in an unenthused tone.

"Good." Jun said, all sunshine again. "Asuka, Alisa, do you mind helping to set the table?"

"Why only the girls?" Asuka whined.

"Of course, Ms. Kazama." Alisa replied.

"Ooh, burned by the kiss-up." Lee whispered so Jun wouldn't hear.

"I can help." Asuka changed her mind, not about to be outshone. As soon as the females left the room, Lars lowered his head and interrogated Jin.

"What the hell?" He asked.

"It's Tekken Blind Dating, not like I chose her." Jin retorted.

"Why would you, she dresses like a freak." Heihachi noted.

"Shut your mouth." Lars spat.

"You mind your language, young lady!" Jinpachi scolded.

"Okay, dinner." Everyone straightened up when the women came back with the food. Asuka was narrowing her eyes at Alisa's back, as the android was carrying twice as much as Asuka and Jun. She slid her dishes expertly onto the table.

"Well, let's eat." Jun said, sitting down.

"So, Alisa, up for back-stabbing much?" Lars asked in an upbeat tone. Her face twitched slightly as she reached for the salad.

"My, Lars, would you like some _greens_?" She asked. "Aren't _greens_ just great, wouldn't life be nicer with more _greens?_" His bitter expression didn't change.

"Lars, is something wrong?" Jun asked.

"Jin took his ho." Lee explained. Asuka laughed under her breath.

"Lee!"

"It's the truth!" Lee defended.

"So, you're just going to go from dating Lars to dating his nephew?" Asuka asked. Alisa cocked her head to the side innocently.

"I do not recall what you are talking about, Miss Kazama."

"Bull." Kazuya said.

"Well, it was _Lee_ that fixed her." Jin muttered.

"Hey, I did a top-notch job fixing her up!" Lee said.

"Well, my memories aren't quite uploading." Alisa said.

"Pass me the gravy!" Jinpachi yelled.

"No, Kuma needs the extra fat!" Heihachi snapped.

"Shut up!" Kazuya commanded.

"So you're dumping Lars?" Asuka asked.

"Why are you blonde and Japanese!?" Jinpachi asked, glaring at Lars.

"I'm half Swedish." Lars answered, and tried to go back to his conversation. It was interrupted by Asuka.

"Wait, you don't look that old. Ew, Heihachi got it on not too long ago!" Asuka shrieked.

"That is not dinner talk!" Kazuya exclaimed, pushing his half-eaten plate away from him.

"I agree." Jin said, sick to his stomach with mental images.

"I want a latte." Heihachi had gotten up and was pushing a cup at the back of Alisa's head.

"I am not a coffee machine!" Alisa cried.

"That's why I said Latte!"

"Do you need to go sit at the kiddy table!" Jun yelled.

"I'm not sitting at the kiddy table again!" Heihachi screamed. Lee began laughing creepily, staring at Alisa.

'Aren't you a robot?' Kuma held up his sign, but no one paid him any attention. He grabbed another. 'No, seriously, you're a robot, how is this ever going to work? Like Chobits or Absolute Boyfriend? Those were ridiculous.'

"Watch out, Jin, you might find her running off with your nephew some day." Lars said.

"Here it comes." Lee said, laughing.

"Destroy." Alisa suddenly said.

"What?" Jun asked.

"She malfunctioned!" Lee realized, running towards the exit. "She was supposed to go into hooker mode!"

"LEE!"

"You can have her!" Jin yelled to Lars as he followed Lee.

The Mishima-Kazama family ran for their lives as Alisa rabidly chased them from the mansion.

Back at the set…

"And there you have it, another date failed before Alisa could even try to talk to Jin, all thanks to his messed up family." Getemono said.

"Morons." Jim added. "Should that even count as a date."

"Who cares?" Getemono said.

"BOO!" The Alisa-lovers yelled.

"Anyways, before we go, I'm having an argument with my sister." Getemono went on.

"No one cares!" Paul yelled from the cage.

"About you maybe. Now, we were playing Tekken Six, which was totally awesome, when my sister started talking about how hot Kazuya was. So I was all like: 'Jin's WAAY hotter.' And she was like: 'Oh hell no.' And it went back and forth like that for a long time, until I said I would ask viewers who they thought was hotter. So, along with your vote for next date, could you please vote for who's hotter: Jin or Kazuya?"

"Really, that's the stupidest thing you've done yet!" Yoshimitsu called.

"I don't care, she's driving me crazy!" Getemono yelled. "And boys, I want your votes too."

"And that was how the moron managed to get her own show flushed down the toilet." Bruce muttered.

"Alright, vote for the date, and on my issue, and I promise to never host a show again." Getemono said.

"VOTE!" Every Tekken fighter in the cage demanded.

End Chapter

**A/N: Well, I hope that was funny for you. I had fun writing it, in any case. Have a happy thanksgiving, but more importantly a happy day after thanksgiving sale.**


	6. Date Six: Christie Monteiro

Disclaimer: I own Tekken. See, nobody noticed, nobody cared…I was joking, please don't sue me, I'm a broke college moron!

Date Six: Christie Monteiro

Today, the stage was decked out in the most generic holiday decorations a five year old could imagine; fat Santa's, red and gold tinsel, and, to the fighters' dismay, mistletoe. The hosts had not yet been dragged out of their dressing room, and the other fighters were talking to fill up time.

"Hey, Michelle," Paul leaned down towards Michelle, who was sitting on the row below him.

"What?" She asked impatiently. She hated that he and the Laws talked to her because she was one of the few American fighters.

"Why was Santa so horny at Christmas time?" Michelle gave them a look that clearly said she wasn't interested. "Because of all them Ho Ho Hoes!" He finished obliviously. He and his best friends laughed while Michelle slapped her forehead.

"Why me?" She muttered to herself.

"Hey, Michelle." Lee nudged her arm.

"Didn't you hear what I just said!" Michelle snapped.

"I have a proposition to make." He whispered, checking to make sure no one else was listening. Sure enough, they had all found out that Wang and Ganryu had found each other beneath mistletoe, and were now trying to force them to uphold tradition.

"Do it!" Hwoarang commanded.

"I don't want to kiss a fat girl!" Wang cried.

"Are all of you old people gender confused? I'm a man!" Ganryu yelled.

"Then why do you have boobs bigger than Ling's?" Wang interrogated.

"Grandpa!" Ling whined as a majority of the males laughed at her.

"What, Chaolan?" Michelle sighed heavily, looking away from the chaos.

"I think you just might have the best shot at winning this thing." He answered.

"Are you crazy? I'm old enough to be his mother!" Michelle argued.

"Which is exactly what he's looking for!" Lee explained. "You really think he wants some ditz, headstrong girl or a rebel? No, he wants a mom!"

"You're sick!" Michelle decided, immediately standing up and finding somewhere else to sit. Before Lee could take further action (Or Ganryu and Wang could be forced to smooch), the hosts hobbled onto the stage, all looking beaten; Kazuya had a black eye, Jun was limping and Heihachi was rolling himself in a wheelchair. They all made it a point to glare at Alisa before saying anything.

"Happy holidays," Jun started.

"Merry Christmas." Heihachi corrected her.

"We're not allowed to say that, it might offend people." Jun reminded him.

"Why should we say anything?" Kazuya grumbled. "The old man is a heathen Buddhist, I'm part Devil, and you're sinful by association. I say to hell with the holidays!"

"Anyways," Jun decided to ignore her husband, who was now rolling Heihachi over the edge of the stage. "Last time you witnessed one of the worst Thanksgivings imaginable."

"Thanks to the Latte machine!" Heihachi yelled from the ground.

"Stop calling me that!" Alisa complained. "And it wasn't my fault!"

"Whatever!" Asuka snapped, her head resting snugly on a neck brace. Lars also looked bitter beside her, sporting a black eye and swollen lip.

"And if your wondering why my mutt of a brother is just fine, it's because he pushed Asuka in the way as he ran out." Kazuya explained.

"Survival of the fittest!" Lee exclaimed.

"Moving on," Jun said in an annoyed tone. "Last episode there were two matters to vote for, one, being the regular who gets to date my darling angel, and two, who looked better, Jin or Kazuya?"

"Jin won!" Heihachi blurted out as he clawed his way back up the stage. "By a landslide!"

"You forgot your wheelchair." Kazuya muttered, kicking him back off.

"Well, that was no surprise." Jun said, sounding way too proud of her son. "And the girl that a majority of you felt my son should date was none other than Christie Monteiro!"

"The losers are supposed to be Christmas shopping, so let's see how it goes." Kazuya said, turning on the TV and stationing himself at the edge of the stage, where it would be easier to kick Heihachi off again.

Christie headed to the food court, confident that she would win this challenge; after all, she wasn't like the other girls that had entered the tournament. She wasn't immature like Ling, snobbish like Lili, nerdy like Julia, tomboyish like Leo, weird like Zafina, a robot like Alisa, old like Kunimitsu and Michelle, bitchy like Anna, cold-hearted like Nina or related like Asuka. Not to mention, she wasn't a bear. She was cool and just flirty enough to be noticed. She totally had this.

"Hey, Jin." She waved, eyes lingering on his arm, which was resting in a sling.

"Hey." He said, and they started walking. "So, we're supposed to go shopping?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Christie answered.

"What kind of an idiot hasn't done their shopping yet?" Jin asked.

"Well, I was kind of hoping you could help me pick out something for Eddy." Christie said in a flat tone.

"Oh." Jin said awkwardly. "Well, what did you have in mind?"

"That's the thing, I don't know!" Christie said. "He's impossible to shop for!"

Jin thought back to every brief conversation he had with Eddy.

*Flashback*

Jin, Nina and Eddy were on their three hour lunch break, as they deserved it; it took a lot of energy being so destructive.

"Okay, I've got one," Eddy said, slamming down his can of soda. "You can date anyone in the world, who would it be?"

"Is that all?" Nina asked, bored.

"You gonna answer?" He and Jin both looked at her expectantly. Nina sighed. This was her payment for working with men.

"Alright," Nina decided it was best to answer. "Billy Ray Cyrus."

"What?" Eddy asked incredulously.

"Ew." Jin added.

"Hey, his Achy Breaky Heart was hot." Nina said, crossing her arms.

"You do know that now, so many years later, he's on a crappy Disney show with his annoying daughter?" Jin asked.

"What? No!" And Nina dashed from the room to try to prove them wrong using google.

"She's in for a nasty surprise." Eddy murmured, shaking his head. "What about you, Jin?"

"Uh…" Jin thought about it for a while. "Tifa Lockhart."

"Nice." Eddy said. "As for me…Shakira."

"What, really?" Jin asked. "I thought you like Christie?"

"She's cool and all that, but it's _anyone you want_. You don't get a chance to date Shakira every day." Eddy shrugged.

*End Flashback*

"Yeah, I don't know what you could get him, either." Jin lied.

"Well, let's just walk around, maybe I'll come up with something." They got on an escalator leading to the next floor.

"Is that Eddy and Bryan fighting?" Jin asked, peering down from the escalator.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but look, maybe we'll find something in there?"

"Toys R Us?" Jin asked skeptically. Indeed, the flustered Christie had led him to the toy store.

She knew that it was Eddy and Bryan fighting down there, for she and Eddy had a deal; if one of them won, they'd split the money. So he was down there distracting Bryan, who was supposed to be sabotaging the date.

"What the hell are we doing down here, they're up THERE!" Bryan screamed, lunging at Eddy. "We're supposed to be ruining their chances!"

"Shut up!" Eddy yelled, side-stepping the angry android.

"Oh, I get it." Bryan said, stopping all aggressive action. "You're in cahoots with the Monteiro chick." He cracked his knuckles. "I don't like that at all." He added menacingly.

Back on the third floor, Jin and Christie were looking at plushies.

"What do you think of this tiger toy?" Christie held the small pathetic animal up for Jin to see. "Get it, like his brother, Tiger?"

"No straight guy is going to want a stuffed animal for Christmas." Jin answered. And Christie put it down.

"Let's go to a clothes store. Maybe there'll be something there." Christie said, and they left the rows of G.I. Joes.

"Do you kind of feel ripped off?" Christie asked as they pushed through the crowds.

"Every day of my life. But what situation are you referring to?" Jin asked.

"The date. We're supposed to be getting to know each other, but they just threw us in the mall at the craziest time of the year and expected it to work out. Shouldn't we at least get some cruise time?" Christie reasoned.

Jin thought about that. He'd never really thought of Christie as a possible candidate for wife, but she was cool and incredibly big busted. He decided she at least deserved another date.

"Ooh, look, it's perfect!" Christie said before he could say sure to another date. She was pointing to a stylish shirt across the room, and she eagerly ran to retrieve it. However, before she could reach her perfect gift, a scrawny guy ran up and snatched it first.

"Oh hell no!" Christie yelled. The scrawny guy stopped and snapped his fingers.

"You better step off, girlfriend." He sassed.

"Jin, get it back!" Christie demanded.

"Um, no thanks." Jin said, not enjoying the seductive stare the smaller man was directing at him.

"Men," Christie rolled her eyes. "Sometimes, you just gotta do it yourself." That said, she slapped the man across the face and grabbed at the shirt.

"Bitch!"

"Whore!"

"Don't say yes!" Everyone turned to see Bryan running into the store, his gun held ready in his hand. "She's been working with Gordo," He indicated Christie with his gun, and she ducked behind the gay guy. "to ditch your ass and leave with half!"

"What?" Jin asked.

"Was not!" Christie fumed. "Jin, don't listen to him, he's- oh my god, Eddy!" Eddy stumbled into the store, looking like he'd just encountered a PMSing bobcat.

"You…crazy son…of a bitch." He wheezed, glaring at Bryan. Christie ran to make sure he wouldn't fall over.

"I don't get any of this." Jin muttered to himself before making his way to the back entrance. And so, he went to get himself a quarter pounder.

"No! Jin, where'd he go!?" Christie realized a few minutes later.

"And another scandal prevented by the real super cop." Bryan congratulated himself.

"I hate you." Eddy glared.

Back at the Date That Loser set…

"Wow, she got really close." Julia commented.

"What do you expect, Bryan ruins everything." Lei said sourly.

"You're just jealous because-" Bruce started, but Lei pushed him off the bleachers.

"There you have it, another failed attempt to get Jin on more than one date." Heihachi said. Jun was standing between him and Kazuya, so things wouldn't get violent.

"Which means we'll be here next year." Kazuya grumbled.

"So, don't forget to suggest who you'd like to see Jin date next time." Jun added in a bored tone. "Ugh, I'm getting some Eggnog."

End Chapter

**A/N: There you have it, a very rushed in Holiday special. I was afraid I wouldn't update in time, but I managed, haha! Hope you enjoyed, enjoy winter break!**


	7. Date Seven: Leo Kliesen

Disclaimer: Tekken own not do I.

A/N: IMPORTANT! I know I said Leo was female in earlier chapters, but after actually playing Scenario Campaign with Leo, I've found out that Leo is indeed androgynous; Namco has a freaking fun time messing with everyone when it comes to Leo's gender (Voiced, by the way, by the chick who played Ash Ketchum). In fact, the only evidence of Leo's gender is when Heihachi fights Leo, but he calls Leo a boy. As another non-bashing factor: when I first saw Leo, the first thing I thought was "He's hot!" Now I just feel silly :o So, for the sake of gender confusion (and humor) I've decided to write this fic with Leo remaining androgynous. I DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST LEO, I'M JUST CONFUSED! All set? Hope so.

Chapter Seven: Leo Kliesen

Jun, Kazuya and Heihachi were getting ready in their shared dressing room when Jim barged in.

"You could have knocked." Jun said.

"Like anyone was getting undressed." he replied. "Anyways, I have some pretty disturbing news."

"What?" Kazuya asked. He was glaring at his menacing reflection, particularly the red eye. If the public generally thought Jin was hotter than him, then he would just have to work at becoming even more bad-ass.

"Well, you guys were initially chosen as hosts because you're ineligible to date Jin." The hosts all stopped what they were doing -brushing hair, glaring in mirror, petting toads- to look at Jim. "But…there's actually been a few votes for some of you." Jim hastily spit it out.

"What? That's just sick!" Jun complained. Kazuya took one of Heihachi's toads and flung it out of the window in anger.

"Prince Naveen!" Heihachi cried.

"Not saying that it's going to happen." Jim went on, scared. "Just that now you may be voted for."

"Then why should we host?" Jun asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"Would you rather share the bleachers with the rest of them?" Jim asked. The dressing room fell silent. "At least you guys get prep time. Not to mention you get to tell everyone to shut up."

"Fair enough." Jun agreed. She sighed. "It's show time, isn't it?"

"Yeah, yeah it is." Jim sighed as well before stepping out of their way.

When the hosts got to the stage, it was utter chaos. Hwoarang was (to the fan girls' excitement) standing near the edge of the stage waving his shirt above his head and showing off his sculpted abs. Everyone else seemed caught up in an argument.

"You know what, at least I wasn't stupid enough to try to talk about magazine gossip with Jin, Rochefart!" Asuka yelled.

"I told you, I'm not answering to that!" the blonde shrieked before tackling Asuka.

"Yes, you get to be played by Batista, doesn't give you a right to be an asshole!" Steve exclaimed. King sat smugly.

"You're just upset because you get played by a bald man." the Jaguar man replied.

Kazuya had to leap out of the way of a brawling Anna and Nina. Lee chased after them, clicking wildly with his cell phone to immortalize the event. Kazuya punched him off the stage.

"What's going on?" Jun wearily asked Julia, who was reading a book. She rolled her eyes before answering.

"First, Hwoarang got upset because he figured out that this show is centered around Jin." Julia counted it off on her hand. "So he's trying to start a petition for him to receive his own show. Then, the other fighters started talking about the Tekken movie, and that just pissed off a lot of people."

"Why even get upset about it, we all know it's going to be horrible. Like the Dragon Ball Z movie…" Jun said, shaking her head. Heihachi pulled out a detonator, and everyone was sent horrible images involving Bob and/or Marduk.

"My eyes!" Nina and Anna yelled, both falling over from the trauma.

"Why was he given the detonator?" Kazuya asked, rubbing his head. The moron had sent the image to _everyone_ in the room.

"Because I can be trusted." Heihachi sassed, stowing the button in a pocket. But there was a hole in that pocket, and Kazuya merely snatched up the detonator when Heihachi obliviously walked past. The Tekken fighters feebly made their way back to their seats.

"Last time, on Date That Loser," Heihachi began. "Christie tried to get close to Jin using the warmth of the holidays, but was left out in the cold." He laughed, but Christie smirked.

"Say what you want, I don't see any of your characters making out with Jin's actor in the trailer." Most of the fighters either groaned or rolled their eyes.

"But today, it looks as if the wannabe has a date with questionable Leo Kliesen." Kazuya said.

"And, they're going to the zoo, since _somebody_ didn't go to their designated date!" Heihachi made it a point to glare at Nina.

"This yours?" Nina held up a toad. He nodded vigorously, and Nina tossed it in Paul's hair. He shrieked.

"Get it off, GET IT OFF!" He ran around the stage in a panic, and Heihachi grabbed a trusty frying pan before chasing after him. The smarter fighters sighed at the stupidity.

"I want to go to the zoo." Julia mumbled. Anna pushed her off of the bleachers as Jin appeared on the screen.

"This is looking way too familiar." Jin muttered uneasily, almost expecting Nina to pull up in Lei's car again. There was a tap on his shoulder, but when he turned, it was Leo.

"Hey," Leo greeted in that rough but high pitched voice.

"Hello." _Shit!_ Jin thought. It wasn't that he didn't like Leo, it was just that he wasn't sure if Leo was a girl. At first he'd just glanced, thought he'd seen lip gloss, and accepted that she was just flat chested. But as time passed, he became less and less sure, as Leo displayed masculine traits as well. Jin was a little scared.

"Well, let's start." Leo said cheerfully. _This'll be easy._ Leo thought. _If I can just get him to see how much we both hate his dad, this should go perfectly!_

Jin and Leo walked through a domed cage walkway, watching with caution as the small squirrel-monkeys clamored about.

"Do they really throw their own poop?" Leo asked. Jin shrugged.

"At this rate, it won't matter, they just have to let it fall." he answered, wishing he'd brought an umbrella with him. Leo snickered, unaware that they were being watched.

"Look at him or her, so smug!" Ling muttered angrily under her breath. She was glaring into a pair of binoculars from on top of the restroom building. Michelle sighed next to her.

"I'm pretty sure we don't even need to do anything, Jin isn't sure about Leo's gender, either." Michelle tried to reassure the younger girl.

"We can't take that chance!" Xiao declared, slamming the binoculars down. Someone in the bathroom screamed at the noise. "Come on, we'll wait by the white tiger." she added in a meek whisper. Michelle rolled her eyes.

"Wow, these birds are really something." Leo said, climbing the stone steps to peer into the large cage. Most of the parrots were clinging to the ceiling of the cage, squawking unpleasantly. Jin wasn't paying much attention to the birds, though; he was too busy trying to match Leo's tone with a gender.

"Yeah…" Jin said absentmindedly. He turned to Leo. "So, how do you think your parents feel about us being out?" Jin mentally patted himself on the back. If Leo mentioned anything about approving or disapproving, he'd know if Leo was a gay guy or a straight chick. However, Leo drooped.

"My parents are dead." Leo reminded him.

"Right." There was an awkward silence, spared only by the ungodly noises coming from the birds. "To the goats, then?" Leo shrugged and they walked off.

"Uh, is there something wrong?" Leo asked. Jin kept fidgeting and glancing over his shoulder.

"I know they're coming." Jin replied solemnly.

"Who?" Leo asked, just a little concerned. _Stick with it, there's a lot of money at stake!_

"I don't know, but someone always comes along whenever I'm a part of Tekken Blind Dating and ruins my day." Jin answered. _Where are you, Hwoarang?_

"Well, uh, let's just try not to worry about that, huh?" Leo said, forcing a smile. "I mean, just look at the goats." Leo gestured to the goats, who were clamoring over a pitiful pile of rocks.

"I don't like the way they're looking at me." Jin said moodily. The moment the goats had spotted Jin, they all piled onto the top of the rock pile so they could glare down at him. Jin picked up a rock.

"Moving on!" Leo said, deciding to pull Jin away from what would inevitably become a bloody man-goat war. They passed under a row of palm trees on the way to the White Tiger.

"Where are we, anyways?" Leo asked, noting the green scenery.

"Who knows? It's just like the tournament; one minute you're in a Moonlit Wilderness, the next you're stumbling around pigs." Jin answered. Leo nodded in agreement. Jin took a glance at Leo's chest. True, no sign of boobs there, but he couldn't tell if they were pecks or the work of a really good sports bra. _I need to know!_ Jin would put up with as much time needed to find out Leo's gender. It was a mission now.

"Wow, isn't she beautiful." Leo breathed as they walked towards the white tiger. It was sprawled out in the shade, not bothering to acknowledge their presence.

"He_._" Jin corrected, reading Namaste the tiger's info. _And that's not the first thing we've gotten gender confused today._

"Leo!" Jin and Leo turned to see Xiao prancing up ahead of Michelle.

"Hey, Ling." Jin greeted, but she took no notice.

"Great day for the zoo, huh, Leo?" Xiao asked, batting her lashes.

"What are you two doing here?" Leo asked, eyes flickering to Michelle. "Together?"

"Julia was supposed to go to the zoo with Xiao." Michelle explained half-heartedly. "But she couldn't make it, so she asked me to go with her." Her expression clearly said: "shoot me, please."

"Namaste is such a pretty tiger, aren't you, Namaste!" Xiao called out to the tiger. He lazily rolled over until he wasn't facing them anymore.

"Maybe he prefers to be called handsome." Leo said.

"Maybe. What do you prefer?" Xiao asked, a too-sweet smile plastered on her face.

"Pardon?" Leo asked uneasily. All eyes were on Leo. "Well, it depends on what I'm complimenting." Leo started unconvincingly. "If I were complimenting Jin, I'd say handsome, if I were complimenting you, I'd say pretty."

"You think I'm pretty?" Xiao squealed, clasping one of Leo's hands. Leo cast a pleading look to Jin, but Jin wasn't about to stop Xiao, not when she was so close to revealing something.

"Uh, I'm with Jin." Leo muttered, trying to shove Xiao away.

"What's the matter, Leo?" Xiao asked innocently. "Would this be considered unacceptable?" she batted her lashes a few more times, just for effect.

"What?" Leo asked, still stalling.

"For crying out loud," Michelle muttered under her breath before saying: "Are you male or female, because no one knows!" There was an awkward silence among the fighters. Namaste even turned his head to look.

"Uh…" There was no way for Leo to deflect such a direct attack. "Shouldn't you all know?"

"Why won't you just say it?" Jin asked.

"You know, I don't think you should all have to know my secrets, you don't start off knowing everything about a person before dating them, it's a gradual thing that takes time and trust. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!" Leo tried to sound justified.

"Gender isn't usually a secret." Jin argued.

"You don't think I'm worth sticking around to find out?" Leo asked. _Come on, just say yes to one date!_

"No." Jin answered. _Hell no._

"What? Seriously? I thought you were Bi?" Leo asked.

"That was rather mean, Leo." Michelle's motherly response finally kicked in. _Chaolan might have been up to something with the whole Jin likes moms thing._ Hey, it never hurt to try.

"You're all so full of bull crap! I hope you have to date Yoshimitsu next, cause god knows what the hell _he _is!" Leo stormed off.

"At least we know it's a he." Xiao whispered after a few seconds of silence.

"Why were you trying to get Leo's gender?" Jin asked. Xiao put on another fake smile.

"Me and Rochefart are having a bet. She thinks Leo is a boy, but I think Leo is a girl." She lied.

"Well…good luck with that. I guess." Jin said awkwardly. More silence. "I'm going home, now." And he slowly made his way out of the zoo.

At the set…

"And it looks like another fail." Kazuya announced to a group of cheering Tekken fighters.

"And guess what else?" Heihachi asked. The cheering immediately stopped. Crickets chirped.

"What?" Jun asked flatly.

"They were in a Hawaiian zoo! That's right, they could have ditched the zoo and visited an interesting place, like Mauna Kea or a crater, but they wasted it on the zoo!" Heihachi cackled.

"Sucks to be them." Hwoarang muttered.

"Vote for the next sucker." Kazuya reminded everyone.

"And looks like we'll just have to see you all next time on-" Jun let the audience finish.

"Date That Loser!"

End Chapter

**A/N: I'm so sorry for not updating quicker! I actually forgot that I had fan fiction for a while! I know, it's sad. Also, sorry if it seemed weirder/wordier than usual. I've been rereading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland to celebrate the movie release. AND, I'm having a hard time thinking up date ideas (never been on a date. I'm a true fan fiction nerd) so if you've got anything, spill.**


	8. Date Eight: Julia Chang

Disclaimer: nekkeT nwo ton od I. (Yes, another backwards disclaimer. Hehe, Tekken backwards almost sounds like naked).

Date Eight: Julia Chang/Devil Jin

The stage was set a little differently than it usually was; the usual hosts, along with Jim, where cramped into the small cage that had previously housed the newcomers of Tekken six.

"How the hell did this happen?" Kazuya demanded to know. Most of the Tekken fighters laughed from the safety of their bleachers.

"Hello, sexy audience." Hwoarang greeted the adoring fans. Steve and Asuka were standing at either side, waving energetically. "And welcome to another episode of Date That Loser!"

"You all may be wondering why we're hosting today." Steve said brightly. "Well, we've staged a rebellion so we can have more screen time!"

"Seriously, how did this happen?" Jun asked. "We're all much better fighters than them, how did they manage to get the upper hand?"

"Jim, roll the clip." Hwoarang demanded.

"You idiots took the remote from me." he reminded them.

"Asuka, roll the clip." Hwoarang amended. Grinning, she pressed the button.

Clip

Jun, Heihachi and Kazuya were getting ready for the show. There was a knock on the door.

"I wonder who that could be." Jun asked aloud, wandering to the door. Steve stood in the hallway.

"Why, hello, Ms. Kazama," Steve greeted politely. "Terribly sorry to bother you, but do you think you could all stand right there, on that ugly red square crudely painted in the hallway?"

"Let's see you paint a better square!" Hwoarang yelled from somewhere unseen.

"What?" Jun asked, confused. Kazuya glanced over with slight interest.

"Well, you see, I have to take a picture of you guys, you know, since this show has been such a hit and all that." Steve explained with a shrug.

"And it has to be in the square?" Jun asked skeptically, folding her arms over her chest.

"Yes." Steve answered.

"Steve, we can see the cage." Jun said shortly. Indeed, dangling above the innocent red square was a steel cage.

"Hold on," Kazuya muttered to Jun. "Just play along. At the last second, we'll jump out of the way, and only the old fool will be stuck in the cage." It sounded like a good plan, so they all agreed to it.

"Hey, Kazuya," Heihachi said as they walked over to the cage. "I say we walk over there, pretend we don't notice, then move out of the way so only Jun is left in the cage. That way, we won't have to hear her nagging." Kazuya nodded, not really listening.

"If you would just situate yourselves right in the center…perfect." Steve said, noticing that Heihachi was in the middle of the couple. "One, two, three." As he clicked the camera, Heihachi grabbed onto both Kazuya and Jun, effectively thwarting their plans to ditch him. The cage fell on them.

"What the hell!?" Kazuya asked, outraged.

"Hahaha, fools!" Heihachi chortled. "Now that both of you are in the cage, I'll have the dressing room and fame all to myself!" Jun and Kazuya glared at him.

"You do realize you're in the cage as well?" Steve asked. Heihachi stopped laughing.

End clip

"That doesn't explain why I'm in here." Jim said.

"Nobody cares about you, you're not a fighter." Asuka told him.

"Ouch." he said, hurt.

"It does explain Heihachi's black eyes, though." Hwoarang said, pointing at the old man. Heihachi muttered darkly under his breath. Kazuya punched him again.

"Anyways, last time, on Date That Loser," Asuka started. "Jin had to date the mysterious Leo Kliesen, which of course ended horribly since no one knows what Leo is!"

Leo shrugged. "It was worth it."

"There's something very wrong with you." Anna told Leo.

"But for some reason, you all thought a different date would go better, so you voted for another sucker." Hwoarang said.

"And that sucker was none other than Julia Chang!" Steve announced.

"But wait, there's more!" Hwoarang said, and the audience hung on to his every word. "Because this show is under smarter, hotter management, we added in a little twist to make this interesting."

"Jin is going on a pimping date with not only Julia, but his alter ego Devil Jin!" Asuka revealed. The fan girls went wild.

"How is that going to work?" Xiaoyu asked from the bleachers. "Aren't they one person?"

"That's what makes this interesting." Hwoarang answered. "Let's watch, shall we?"

***

Jin slowly walked up to Julia's front door, Devil Jin pestering him the whole time.

**Why didn't you settle for that Anna chick? Or Christie? They were hot! **he bellowed. **Now we're stuck with the hippie, and everyone knows she doesn't put out!**

"Would you shut up?" Jin asked, irritated. "I can't even hear myself think!"

**All right, I'll quiet down…for now.** The evil entity whispered. Jin didn't have a good feeling about that at all. He knocked on Julia's door.

"Hey, Jin." she greeted brightly. He nodded to her. "Where are we off to?"

"Well, Tekken Blind Dating says that we can go anywhere we want, for today." Jin told her.

"Really? That's great!" Julia smiled.

"But, there's a catch." Julia's smile became rather fixed, hearing that. "Devil Jin has to come along."

"Well, that's not so bad. He's always there, right?" Julia asked. Jin sighed.

**Hey, tell her to lose the hippie gear.** Devil Jin demanded.

_Would you knock it off? I thought you were going to quiet down!_ Jin asked.

"Uh…" Julia wasn't sure about how she was supposed to react to Jin's random, brooding silence. It didn't help that he was making angry faces. "Did you have anywhere in mind?"

**"Your mom."** Came out of Jin's mouth, even though Devil Jin had said it. Julia's jaw dropped.

"Excuse me?" she asked, appalled.

"I am so sorry, that wasn't me." Jin explained, fighting to keep Devil Jin at bay. The entity laughed.

"How about something simple, like a walk through the park?" Julia suggested.

Jin nodded, but Devil Jin said: **"No."**

"Okay, then, Devil Jin, where do _you_ want to go?" Julia asked, folding her arms across her chest.

**"Well, if you really want to know-"**

"No, we don't!" Jin insisted. Julia fidgeted, not knowing if she was going to be comfortable walking around in public with Jin.

"We're going to the park!" Jin said forcefully. Julia nodded cautiously.

**I don't see why we had to go where **_**she**_** wanted to go. What about me and my needs?** Devil Jin grumped in Jin's head. Jin was biting his lip, making sure nothing horrible came out of his mouth.

"So…" Julia decided to chance a conversation. "how was the zoo?" she asked.

"Awkward," Jin admitted. "You actually sent your mom with Xiao?" he asked her.

"Uh…yeah, yeah I did." Julia said, just a little unconvincingly. "Xiaoyu's not very popular, poor thing." she added sympathetically.

**Oh my god, I think I'm going to die of boredom.** Devil Jin complained in the back of Jin's mind. **What is this, some slow romantic comedy? I'll have you know it's not cute, not cute at all!**

"She's not trying to be cute." Jin accidentally said out loud.

"What?" Julia asked, confused.

"Sorry, it was just Devil Jin again." Jin explained, but Julia motioned for him to go on. "he was being a jerk."

"But you said I wasn't trying to be cute?" Julia fished for a compliment. Unfortunately, she didn't reel one in.

"Well, you obviously don't." Jin started as they walked along a flower lined path. "You just wear whatever's comfortable or natural." Devil Jin laughed, realizing Jin's mistake.

"So, you don't think I'm cute?" Julia asked, an edge to her voice. Jin hesitated.

"No, it's not that…" _Crap!_

**"It's just that it's obvious that you don't put any thought into what you're going to wear before you leave the house. You just skin the nearest squirrel and go heavy on the denim to distract from the smell of innocent animal blood." ** Devil Jin stated matter-of-factly. Julia was horrified.

"You think I kill squirrels?" she asked.

**"I don't think, I know."** Devil Jin said cruelly.

"You know that's Devil Jin speaking, right?" Jin asked, embarrassed.

"I don't know, it's hard to tell the difference. You're both being pretty inconsiderate." Julia retorted, lifting her chin as they walked.

**What a whore.** Devil Jin commented silently. **Let's get out of here, we don't need her.**

Jin sighed. Even though he knew very little about Julia, he knew that she didn't deserve to be accused of killing squirrels for clothes. And to be honest with himself, he was tired of all the random dating. Maybe if he just tried again with Julia, he would finally be left alone.

**No, no, no, no, no, NO. **Devil Jin ranted in his mind. **You do not settle for the nature chick, that is not gonna fly! **Jin smiled. If Devil Jin hated her, that was only more of a reason to go for it.

Jin was about to ask Julia out on another date, but Lars rudely interrupted.

"Odd meeting you here, _nephew_." Lars noted, Alisa now loyal clinging to his arm. Jin lifted an eyebrow.

"Are you still jealous that Alisa was introduced into the family as my date?"

**"If you are, you should get over it, since I wasn't planning to settle for your blow-up doll anyways."** Devil Jin added. Alisa gasped and Lars glared.

"Well, I didn't come here to hear your lies." Lars said bitterly. "I was just interested in challenging you to a little match."

"Why?" Julia asked.

"Didn't you hear? The most successful couple of the Tekken Blind Dating series gets a free trip to Sweden." Lars explained.

"But aren't you Swedish?" Julia was confused. "Why would you care about a trip to Sweden?"

"I've never paid homage to my homelands!" Lars said. Jin, Julia and even Alisa were a little freaked out.

**"That is the stupidest prize I've ever heard of. Who thought of it, Heihachi?"** Devil Jin taunted.

"Alright then, Jin." Alisa asked calmly, since Lars looked just about ready to explode. "What would you consider a prize?"

**"If we win, you go straight to the junkyard."** Devil Jin replied before Jin could answer.

"What about me? Don't I get a say?" Julia asked.

"And if we win, you two break up and forfeit that prize." Lars nodded, ignoring Julia.

"Wait, we're betting Alisa's life versus our questionable relationship?" Julia asked. Alisa and Lars nodded. "There's something extremely wrong with this."

"What's the competition?" Jin asked, knowing it would be something ridiculous.

"Easter egg hunting." Lars replied simply.

"You're kidding." Julia said, quirking an eyebrow.

"There are fifty one eggs hidden in this very park." Alisa explained.

**"Who hid them?"** Devil Jin asked suspiciously.

"Them." Lars said, jerking his thumb to indicate Paul and the two Laws.

"You'll never find the eggs I hid!" Paul declared, making a face at the young couples. "I'm the best Easter Bunny-"

"Yes, Paul, we get it! You're the best freaking Easter Bunny in the entire universe!" Forrest exploded, obviously irritated. Marshall seemed grateful. Paul slumped.

"And you guys didn't see them hide any of it?" Julia asked.

"Rules are rules, we weren't allowed to." Alisa explained.

"Like I'd let them try to cheat-"

"Shut up, Paul!" Lars warned. Paul flipped Lars off.

"Here are your baskets." Forrest said, holding out four colorful Easter baskets. Alisa and Julia grabbed the pink baskets, and Jin swatted Lars' hand away from the lone blue basket. Glaring, Lars took the yellow basket.

"There's fifty-one eggs scattered throughout the park," Marshall reminded them. "Whichever team gets the most eggs wins."

"Ready?" Forrest asked. All nodded. "Go!" Immediately Lars pushed Julia down and sprinted for the trees.

**"Never mind taking a break, Julia, move!"** Devil Jin commanded. Scowling, she got up.

"Pastel egg obtained." Alisa said, gliding up to a tree and snatching an egg from the branch. She placed it delicately in her basket.

"Ha!" Jin grabbed an egg with a grumpy face scrawled on it. As he held it up, Alisa dove down and stole it. "Hey!"

"Ugly egg obtained." she noted, stowing that egg into her basket as well.

"Oh, yeah, they don't count as yours until they're in the basket." Paul remembered. Julia and Jin glared at him.

"Oh no you don't!" Jin cried, knocking Lars away from the next nearest egg. "Hand over the egg, grandma!" he ordered the knitting senior citizen.

"Egg? What egg?" she was oblivious to the egg placed directly on her bun. Quietly, Alisa swooped down and grabbed the egg. Julia, frustrated by that time, tackled Alisa down before she could tuck the egg into her basket. The old lady fell with them.

"Hey, get that old lady out of that hot cat fight!" Paul ordered. "She has no business there."

"Paul, I don't think she wants to be there." Marshall said, concerned for the old woman's safety.

After ten minutes more of pushing, punching, and stealing, Jin proudly walked up to the American trio with his brimming basket.

"Not today, Mr. Kazama." Alisa whispered under her breath. Eyes narrowed, she shot at Jin's basket. It, along with all of the eggs, were destroyed immediately.

"I've got two eggs!" Lars exclaimed, running up to the judges. They looked at each other.

"Well, two is more than nothing." Marshall shrugged. Jin's eye twitched.

"I told you we shouldn't have put all of our eggs into one basket." Julia grumbled.

**"You also told us not to count our chickens before our eggs hatched, frankly, I'm SICK of your egg-advice!"** Devil Jin snapped.

"You know what, I'm glad we lost! I wouldn't be able to stand dating a bipolar emo-boy anyways!" Julia yelled. She punched Lars on her way out of the park. "That's for earlier!"

Back at the set…

"Just when you think there'll be no more stupid biased holiday specials." Hwoarang complained.

"I still thought it was hilarious." Steve commented.

"Well, that was just one more girl Jin couldn't get. Who'll be disgusted by him next time? We don't know?" the new hosts were oblivious to the fact that the old hosts had escaped from the cage and were now creeping up behind them.

"Get them!" Heihachi yelled, tackling Steve.

"Don't forget to vote next time-" Hwoarang was cut off by an angry Kazuya.

"On Date That Loser!" the red-eyed man finished.

End Chapter

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed that. Well, a couple of you have mentioned Tekken Interviews, and while I'm really flattered that you guys loved it so much, unfortunately my computer crashed just before my fic was deleted, and as a result I only have Bryan's Interview and Ogre's Interview. I can't post them here, and I'm a little self-conscious about posting it on DeviantArt, but if anyone knows an alternate website or something like that, I'll post those two interviews. Thanks for reading, let me hear back from you!**


	9. Date Nine: Zafina

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!

Date Nine: Zafina

At the set, the hosts hadn't arrived onstage just yet, and the fighters who were stuck there were making casual talk as usual.

"Man, my scalp still hurts, who would have thought Kazama's old man would be a hair puller?" Hwoarang complained, rubbing his head.

"Well Jun's no softie, either." Asuka replied, checking a chipped tooth in a hand mirror. "Had to go for the face." she muttered under her breath.

"Both of you should stop complaining, I still don't smell right." Steve retorted, spraying himself with cologne. "I don't think I'll ever get the Heihachi-scent off!"

"And that is why you'll most likely die a virgin like Jin." Lee commented smugly. "I told you three your stupid plan wouldn't work." he laughed, and soon Anna joined in just because she had heard another sexy person laughing.

"Mum!" Steve called up the bleachers. Nina ignored him. "Aunt Anna is making fun of me!" Now that, Nina would not stand for. Steve may have been weird, but he was still her son. She sighed before getting up and shoving Lee and Anna off of the bleachers.

"There, annoying problem solved." she said, sitting down in her sister's seat.

"Thanks mum." Steve said affectionately.

"Call me 'mum' one more time and you join your dear 'Aunt Anna.'" Nina threatened. Steve shut up and nodded.

"Hilarious." Ogre commented.

"Ogre? How long have you been here?" Asuka asked.

"The whole season." he replied.

"Bull." Hwoarang said. "I think we would have noticed a green freak among the bleachers."

"No, seriously, I'm telling you, I've been here the whole time." Ogre tried to tell them.

"And I'm telling you, you're an ugly green liar." Hwoarang replied.

"Somehow I knew you'd play the race card." Ogre muttered.

"Ha!" Anna had clawed her way up the bleachers from behind so she could yank Nina off by her ponytail. She glared at Steve.

"I know what to do." he said before she could open her mouth. He sulked over to the edge of the bleachers and threw himself off.

"You've trained him well." Lee noted.

"It wasn't too hard, since he's Nina spawn." Anna shrugged.

"Everyone shut up, your supreme overlord demands it!" The fighters turned to see Heihachi leading Jun and Kazuya onto the stage, looking triumphant as he did so.

"Yeah, he might fling his diaper at us if we don't." Paul muttered to the crowd around him, and they snickered.

"I bear good news today." Heihachi announced as Steve and Nina picked themselves up.

"What were you doing on the floor?" Jun asked them.

"Oh, we were just sprawled down there in pain because we felt like it, we were pushed you airhead!" Nina snapped as she climbed back to her seat.

"I apologize for her behavior." Steve sighed as if he'd done that too many times in his life.

"Hey, I was talking!" Heihachi reminded them. Kazuya punched him off of the stage, and Ogre laughed.

"How long has he been here?" Jun asked.

"See!" Hwoarang shouted.

"Can we get to the point!?" Michelle asked moodily.

"Right." Jun said, remembering that they were on a show. "We've just been informed about the duration of this series." she told the fighters.

"It has an ending? Thank god!" Ganryu said, clapping his hands together.

"Yes. The rest of the females will get a chance, as well as eight males." Jun told them.

"What, only eight?" Forrest asked. "But that's totally biased, there's way more than eight women!"

"Well, it just doesn't make sense to go more than eight." Jun told him. "Data says that most yaoi fans want Jin with a young, attractive man and…"

"Most of you are ugly slobs." Kazuya finished for her. "Take it or leave it."

"So, does that mean I can go home?" Wang asked.

"No." Jun and Kazuya replied flatly.

"This sucks." Eddy whispered under his breath.

"Anyways," Jun said, turning to face the audience. "Last time on this horrible show, my son dated none other than Julia Chang. However, their Easter Egg Hunt turned out to be a horrible failure, thanks to Lars and Alisa."

Lars and Alisa high-fived, and when Julia tried to shove them off the bleachers they moved out of the way so she toppled over. They high-fived again.

"What is with everyone getting pushed off of the bleachers today?" Jun muttered to herself, astonished.

"The next date is that crazy wench Zafina." Kazuya said without further ado. Hwoarang laughed.

"Oh, we just gotta wait for the shit to hit the fan with this one!" he said as the room went black for viewing purposes.

Jin sighed in his recycled Zack Fair costume. "I don't know anyone who thinks going to an anime convention is a romantic date, and _I'm_ Japanese." he grumbled. As a twenty-one-year-old and ruler of his own "nation", Jin felt much too cool to be attending such a fiasco.

"Oh, so you're rich enough to get your own military but you're too cheap to get another costume?" Jin groaned as he turned to face Zafina. Why did his dates always approach from behind? When he saw who he was dressed as, he wish he had never turned to see.

"Kirby?" he asked, horrified. Zafina was wearing a round pink ball with holes for her head and feet. She didn't seem the least bit bothered.

"It's not as if you Japanese people draw anything but Japanese-white hybrid people." Zafina replied. "Who are the minority-anime-loving-fans supposed to dress up as?" Jin shrugged, not wanting to get into one of those geek fights.

"Shall we go?" he asked dryly. Zafina nodded. Her plan was going well. She was going to humiliate him by walking around with him as Kirby all day, then she was going to be unbearable, and finally, she'd end her little "date" by shanking him and stealing his wallet. There was probably more in there than the offered million, anyways.

They walked into the crowded building, and Jin was glad to notice that Tekken was not among the popular cosplay themes. Although it would have been satisfactory to see an overweight Kazuya walking around.

"So, were should we go first?" Jin asked in the monotone he decided to adopt for the rest of the day.

"I want a caricature." Zafina sassed, waddling in her costume to a nearby artist table. Jin reluctantly followed.

"Awww, that Kirby costume is awesome!" the artist exclaimed as they came near. "You don't see too many of those, it's always Narutos and Ichigos around here. Props for originality!"

"Thank you." Zafina replied. "Can we get a caricature?"

"Of course!" the artist looked as if she'd died and gone to heaven. "Suite life of Zack and Kirby!" she decided as they sat across from her.

"Lord help me." Jin muttered under his breath.

"So, are you two boyfriend and girlfriend?" the artist asked as she began to sketch. Before Jin could reply with a 'no', Zafina started lying.

"Yes, we've been dating for about nine months now. He's always complaining about how thin I am, trying to make me gain weight, so I thought I'd indulge in his chubby-fetish today." she said nonchalantly. Jin's jaw dropped.

"Oh…uh, that's nice." the artist said awkwardly. Zafina nodded pleasantly.

Jin moped for the rest of the time across from the artist. He'd have to find some way to get her back for that one.

"Here you go." the artist finally said, handing them a cute depiction of themselves. Zafina took it and looked at Jin.

"Well, pay the woman." she demanded. Jin scowled at her before pulling out his wallet.

_Yes, that's right, you have a lot of money, don't you, you spoiled brat?_ Zafina thought as he pulled out a five from among the much larger bills. _All for Zafina!_

"Where should we go-" Jin was cut off by a group of squealing fan girls.

"Oooh! Look, Zacksu and Kirby-chan!" they cooed. "So Kawaaaaiiiiii!"

"Oh god!" Jin exclaimed. It was then that he had the perfect idea for payback. He pushed Zafina down and kicked her at the fan girls.

"Hey!" Zafina yelled as she rolled towards the girls.

"Ah!" Jin ran from the inevitable pain that followed his actions, laughing as he went. He bumped into someone dressed as Chad from Bleach.

"Oh, sorry." he apologized.

"No problem, Jin." he said with a Spanish accent. Jin was confused. He thought it was a rule that all geeks address each other as their characters' names.

"Do I know you?" he asked, squinting at him.

"It's me, King." the Chad replied.

"King? I didn't know you were into that stuff." Jin said.

"Are you kidding, I love Bleach! And I'm actually Hispanic, so I usually win the cosplay contests." he said. "Hey, listen, I saw what a jerk Zafina was being back there, why don't you ditch her and hang with me? You definitely have what it takes to win a contest, Zafina would only hold you back."

"JIN!" Zafina's angry voice could be heard not too far away. Before Jin could take King up on his offer, Zafina had stormed up to them. "Come on, Jin, we have a couples contest to enter."

"What?" Jin asked. King gave her the look that said: 'remember what I just told you.' "But how would Zack and Kirby even be a couple? That's just nasty!"

"Indeed, I'm afraid Kirby has very limited sex appeal." King agreed. "Why don't you sit this one out." Zafina glared at him.

"And who the hell is this?" she asked.

"Chad." King answered.

"See, Zafina, there are people for minorities to dress up as." Jin told her.

"Yeah, like three!" Zafina snapped.

"Don't hate the player, hate the game." King told her.

"Jin, you are not walking off with that Chad! Jin!"

"You can't leave her!" Jin and King were surprised to see the group of fan girls glaring at them.

"And why not?" King asked, impatient.

"Zacksu wasn't a jerk! He wouldn't ditch his date!" the leader, an acne-faced Aeris commented. "I would know!"

"He would if it was freaking Kirby!" Jin shot, gesturing to Zafina.

"Na-uh, he's too nice!" A twiggy Sailor Moon retorted.

"Why don't you girls shut up and work on getting _real_ boyfriends?" King said, stifling a yawn.

"Quiet, Chad!" a rather flat-chested Orihime snapped.

"Seriously, I don't remember Chad being so gay." a girl cross-dressing as L commented.

"Oooh, you are starting to piss me off." King warned them.

"Hey everyone, look, Chad's gay for Zacksu!" the girl-L shouted, pointing at King.

"I said, shut up!" King yelled before picking up the Sailor Moon cosplayer and tossing her at the punk.

"Assault!" the no-boob Orihime yelled. Jin wasn't sure how it happened, but in the next second a swarm of fan girls had dog-piled on King, and the only part of him that was visible was his outstretched hand.

"Shall we go then?" Zafina asked brightly, making sure to step on King's hand as they went. Jin sighed before following her. The more he thought about it, Zafina really did fit as Kirby; Kirby swallowed his enemies and stole their power. She swallowed her enemy's soul so they would regret being born numerous times in one day. Suddenly, Zafina gasped.

"I lost an earring!" she exclaimed, pulling in her real hand so she could feel her bare lobe.

"Then it's probably in your costume." Jin told her.

"No, I would have felt it! It must have fallen off when you kicked me at those odd fan girls!" she realized.

"So you'll have to hit the dollar store on your way back home, big deal." Jin replied.

"You ass, those were heirlooms!" she yelled. "Now help me look for them!" That said, she dropped to the ground and crawled despite her rounded form, frantically searching for her earring.

"What are you doing?" Jin asked, disturbed.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm looking for my earring!" Zafina snapped.

"Well stop." It really creeped Jin out when she slithered along the floor, and for some reason it was even creepier when she was in the Kirby suit. After she'd crawled along for about two minutes, Jin couldn't take anymore and began stomping her.

"Just- cut- it- out- already!" he said in between stomps.

"Ouch! Stop it! Stop it immediately!" Zafina said, curling into a sitting position so Jin would stop. "Oh, hey, here's my earring." she said, pulling it out of her costume.

"I told you it- you know what, never mind." Jin said, taking a breath.

"And we will now announce the winners!" In their confusion, Zafina and Jin and crawled and stomped their way towards the costume contests.

"See, and now we're too late to enter!" Zafina said, whacking him.

"Good." Jin muttered, and received another whack.

"And the winner for best Ash Ketchum is…Azazel!"

"WHAT?" Zafina and Jin yelled. The giant monster was dressed up in denim jeans, a vest and baseball cap, and he graciously took his trophy.

"But he doesn't look anything like Ash!" Jin protested.

"But he put a lot of effort into that costume." the host told them, and numerous nerds nodded.

"Hold my purse." Zafina commanded Jin. Before he could say piss off, she thrust it at him and leaped onto the stage.

"You're a crappy Ash Ketchum! Live with it!" Zafina screamed.

"Why do you have to take this away from me!?" Azazel demanded. Jin watched, confused before deciding to leave.

"This crappy little purse will be good reimbursement for all the crap she put me through today." Jin decided as he exited the convention. It sounded like he'd left just in time; there was an explosion from somewhere inside the building, and a majority of the fan girls went flying.

At the set…

"Well, that went about as well as everyone expected." Jun muttered.

"I thought Azazel was a wonderful Ash Ketchum." Heihachi commented.

"No one acknowledged your existence." Kazuya coldly told his father.

"Well, I guess we'll see you next time on-" Jun let the fighters finish.

"Date That Loser!"

End Chapter

**A/N: Whew, got another chapter done! Haha, I really should have been studying since I have two finals tomorrow. When will I ever learn? Well, sorry about the limit on guy dates, but I think I would go crazy if I had to write so many of those. Well, I think I better actually study (while drawing) so wish me luck and I hope you enjoyed this random-ass date.**


	10. Date Ten: Hwoarang

Disclaimer: Sadly, I haven't managed to overthrow Namco and claim Tekken as my own…yet.

Date Ten: Hwoarang

Jun, Kazuya and Heihachi moped on the bleachers of the Date That Loser set. For reasons unknown, they had been temporarily demoted to everyone else's status as part of an onstage audience.

"Remind me how this happened." Kazuya grumbled.

"Heihachi was abusing his Marduk/Bob button privileges again." Jun muttered. They both threw said stupid old man dirty glares.

"They were calling me a diaper wearing baby, they needed to be put in place!" Heihachi argued.

"Yeah, and now we can call you a diaper wearing baby without you doing crap to us, you diaper wearing baby!" Paul exclaimed, laughing.

"I am not!" Kazuya rolled his eyes before dragging his father to the edge of the stage. Sparing him one more contemptuous glance, he kicked him off. Again.

"So wait, who's hosting?" Yoshimitsu asked.

"That backstage guy said he hired someone." Christie replied, filing her nails.

"Whoever it is, I bet they stuck." Miguel said, and King nodded.

"Be ready in five!" Jim called from somewhere in the back. Everyone carried on as usual.

Five minutes later, none other than Squall Leonhart (or Leon for you Kingdom Hearts peeps) came out from behind the curtains, and a majority of the Tekken fighters groaned.

"_This_ is our replacement?" Jun sounded scandalized. She turned to Jim. "Why?"

"The producer said some unimportant crap about having 'horrible Squall withdrawals.'" Jim answered, shaking his head.

"I hate Enix characters, they're all the same!" Raven blurted out.

"We are not." Squall argued, and Feng snorted.

"Oh, so you're telling me you're not a Japanese-fashion obsessed punk with some mental problem who wields a stupidly huge sword." he asked.

"I wield a _Gunblade_." Squall corrected him, and received numerous boos from the audience. "Hey, it was either me, Ivy or Dante."

"What the hell? I love Ivy!" Lee said. "She's got those huge knockers-"

"And a dominatrix thing going on." Heihachi added from the floor. He knew better than to get up.

"And at least she's from our company." Xiaoyu muttered.

"Are you finished?" Squall asked, bored.

"I think Dante should have come." Asuka said.

"All right, that's enough. Last time-"

"On Date That Loser." Kazuya cut him off. Squall narrowed his eyes.

"You watched as-"

"my wonderful son was put through a horrible date with a horrible woman named Zafina." Jun finished. Zafina glared and was about to say something, but Squall pulled a detonator (AKA the Bob/Marduk button) out of his jacket.

"Don't make me use this." he threatened, his thumb resting on the button. Jun and Kazuya scowled, but didn't say anything.

"And though you all voted, there was a tie between Hwoarang and Asuka." Squall told them. Everyone looked at Asuka.

"Are you telling me I lost to a _boy_?" she shrieked. Lili snickered.

"The producer reasoned that there had yet to be a single yaoi date, and she didn't want to air eight male dates in a row. As a reminder, there are now only seven slots open for the males." Squall explained. Steve laughed.

"Oh, I get it, that's why they sent you here! They sent a gay guy to celebrate the first gay date!" All of the males laughed at that, and Squall glared at them before pushing the detonator. Everyone on the bleachers screamed as horrible mental images assaulted their minds.

"Enjoy your yaoi." Squall said sadistically, smiling as they writhed.

"I'm going to kill you when-oh god, it burns!" Paul yelled as Squall pressed the button a second time.

Jin waited nervously in his living room. The instructions sent in to him by the _Tekken Blind Dating_ service said clearly to wait for his date to pick him up. He heard the roar of a motorcycle in his driveway, and he groaned out loud. Minutes later, the doorbell rang.

_Maybe if I just don't answer the door, it'll all go away._ Jin thought. However, then he remembered traumatizing images of Bob and/or Marduk that were sure to haunt him if he refused, and he dragged himself to the door.

"What?" he asked when he found Hwoarang scowling on the doorstep. "I'm waiting for someone."

"Yeah, your blind date?" Hwoarang asked. Jin nodded. "It's me, moron."

"WHAT!" Jin was appalled. No, Jin was horrified. He hadn't gone through every female yet, he'd been counting! "Screw that!"

"Hey, you know what happens to us if we don't." Hwoarang grumbled, shoving his foot between the door and its frame. "Let's just get this over with."

"Fine." Jin snapped before heading back inside.

"Where are you going?" Hwoarang asked.

"I have to get my wallet." he replied, walking back towards his room.

"Well, don't take forever!" Hwoarang yelled. He snorted. The date hadn't even started, and Jin had already proved that he was the woman. This was going to be too easy, he knew Jin way better than any of those stupid girls. All he had to do was keep being obnoxious, then at the last minute either help Jin with something or hurt himself badly enough to make Jin feel guilty, then Jin would feel like he owed him one and wouldn't refuse another "date." Easy.

_Maybe if I act like an irritating shit, he'll leave me alone._ Jin thought. He closed the door to his room and sat on the bed. _Now think, what irritates guys the most._ He caught view of his closet and grinned. Today might be fun after all.

Fifteen minutes later, Hwoarang stalked down the hallway and banged on the door. "Kazama! Hurry your ass up and get out!"

"Just a minute." Jin called. He had his earphones connected to his computer, and was watching stupid videos on youtube.

"I thought you just had to get your wallet?" Hwoarang whined.

"I decided to change, too." Jin replied, smirking at a grumpy unicorn on the screen.

"Why?" Hwoarang demanded.

"I dunno." Jin said. His smirk widened at the sound of Hwoarang groaning.

After Jin was done 'changing', they walked into the driveway.

"Well, get on." Hwoarang said as he swung a leg over his motorcycle.

"I'm not riding bitch seat." Jin replied, folding his arms over his chest.

"Rules say I'm driving, now get on." Hwoarang argued.

"Let me drive it, you don't know what you're doing." Jin said, attempting to throw Hwoarang off of his own bike.

"Hey, get off of me!"

"No!"

"I said knock it off, Kazama!" somehow as they fought, they managed to start the engine, and before Jin could tell him to hold off, Hwoarang gripped the gas, and they were off.

"LET GO!" Jin yelled, but Hwoarang was stubborn.

"NEVER!" they both screamed as they drove down the street, crashed through two fences and ran over someone that looked suspiciously like Dr. Bosconovitch.

"Kazama, let go of me!"

"You!"

"I'll send my robot daughter after you!" the old man could be heard, and when Jin turned to look, he was shaking his fist at them.

"See, now that you're behaving like a good second-seater, things aren't so bad." Hwoarang said as they breezed through a crosswalk.

"What are you talking about? You drive like an ape on crack!" Jin yelled.

"Shut up!" The rest of the bumpy ride was blissfully silent, save for the screams of pedestrians diving out of the way.

"The theme park?" Jin asked. It seemed cruel that Ling had been deprived of that date.

"Not like I chose it." Hwoarang replied, dismounting. "Are you coming or what?" Sighing heavily, Jin followed his rival.

"What did you want to check out?" Jin asked, bored.

"Rollercoaster." Hwoarang replied, a devilish smile spreading on his face. Jin rolled his eyes.

"Jin? Hwoarang?" Jin cringed when he heard Julia's voice through the crowd. Hwoarang groaned as they both turned to face her. She was nibbling on a piece of cotton candy, an eyebrow raised at the sight of them together.

"What do you want, Julia?" Hwoarang asked.

"Relax, I just didn't know you two were an item." Julia said, smiling at Jin. He somehow knew that this was payback for his awful date with her.

"I notice that you're here alone." Hwoarang retaliated, and Julia glared at him.

"Would you stop being so snippy with me?" Julia snapped. "I wasn't judging you or anything, I work with _plenty_ of gay guys."

"I'm not gay." Jin muttered, but went unheard.

"Really, 'cause I thought you would work with more gay _women_, if you get my drift." Hwoarang replied, smirking.

"You're so defensive! I just wanted to give you a few addresses and dates, like to some bars and rallies and stuff like that." Julia began pulling out a piece of paper, and Jin wanted to melt into the ground.

"Yeah, you would know all about the gay bars. Come on, Kazama, let's get outta here." They walked away, and Julia squinted after them.

"But you're the ones going out together!" Many heads snapped in Jin and Hwoarang's direction, and all Jin could think was: _Why me!_

"Let's just get on the rollercoaster." Hwoarang insisted. Jin shrugged moodily.

_How can I hurt myself and make it look like Jin's fault?_ Hwoarang thought as they climbed onto the platform. _I know, I can wait for the rollercoaster to lean towards me, then I can make it look like Jin's fat weight pushed me over the edge!_ He mentally congratulated himself on his genius. He was ready to follow through when he realized that the rollercoaster could get pretty high up. _Or I could just slam really hard into the side and bruise a rib._ he amended. Happy with his plan to guilt Jin, he held open the door for the dark haired man.

"Ladies first." he said good-naturedly.

"Don't tell me you really are gay." Jin mumbled as he climbed into his spot.

"You wish." Hwoarang replied, stepping in and closing the door behind him. A single bar fell across their chests, and Jin gripped it.

"What, Kazama, scared?" Hwoarang taunted as the rollercoaster started up. Jin snorted.

"Hope you're wearing pull-ups." he said cruelly. Hwoarang glared at him as they passed their first bump.

"See, this isn't bad-oh god!" Their stomachs lurched unpleasantly as they sped up a much higher bump. "I don't like this."

"I thought you loved speed and danger?" Jin asked, his grip tightening on the bar.

"Yeah, when I control it, I've never been on a rollercoaster before!" Hwoarang admitted.

"Wait, what-AH!" Jin was cut off as they plummeted down.

"No, no, no, no, no, NO!" Hwoarang was shaking his head as they climbed up an even larger bump. He glanced sideways at Jin. "Shouldn't you be used to this, you've flown before!" He grit his teeth as they reached the top.

"Same with you and danger!" Jin explained as they sped down again.

"AHHH!" Hwoarang grabbed onto Jin on the next bump.

"Get off of me!" Jin yelled.

"Go Devil and get us out of here!" Hwoarang demanded, shaking Jin by his arm.

"What are you crazy, we can't just- oh god!" Jin fought back the nausea that came with the sudden twist. That turn just so happened to be the turn where Jin slammed into Hwoarang, and the door swung open and ejected the Korean man. He held on to the edge of the car by his fingertips.

"Kazama, help me out!" Hwoarang screamed.

"AHH!" Jin shook his head, his knuckles white from gripping the bar.

"Kazama, seriously, I'm going to fall! FRICK!" the next turn was sharp, and it flung Hwoarang from the edge.

"GO DEVIL AND SAVE ME!" Hwoarang demanded as he fell. Jin still shook his head, mouth wide open and eyes fixed directly ahead of him.

After a few minutes of horrible twists and turns, Jin shakily got off of the rollercoaster ride. Feeling just a little guilty, he craned his neck to look for Hwoarang. The bronze-haired Korean could be seen limping towards him, and Jin put on a big smile.

"Hey, Hwoarang." he said uneasily. "Glad to see you're well."

"Yeah, I landed on some fat guy." Hwoarang said flatly. He'd never been so upset that a plan had actually worked.

"You wanna ride the hand gliders…" Jin's sentence died at the look on Hwoarang's face. "Okay, maybe not the hand gliders." Desperately, Jin searched for something to cheer up the sulky Korean. "You wanna go on that boat ride?" he asked, pointing towards a gentle looking river with a series of rowboats. Wordlessly, Hwoarang walked towards it. _What a drama queen._ Jin thought as he followed.

The line was relatively short, and Jin and Hwoarang were in a boat by themselves in minutes.

"Kazama, did you notice something weird about this ride?" Hwoarang asked.

"What do you mean?" Jin wanted to know.

"Well, there were only couples in line." Hwoarang replied. As they floated through a tacky looking tunnel, the reason was revealed; there, in bright pink lettering, was _Tunnel of Love_ written on a cheerful banner.

"Ah, crap." Hwoarang muttered as Jin slumped against the boat. "Why is it getting dark?" he asked nervously as they plunged deeper into the tunnel of love.

"Oh, Roger, you know this could never work." they heard a strange voice whisper.

"Is that Mokujin?" Jin asked.

"The better question is, is that boy Mokujin or girl Mokujin?" Hwoarang asked, shifting nervously in the boat. Jin could never tell them apart, so he didn't respond.

Roger answered back in his animal tongue, and Jin didn't want to wait around to hear Mokujin's response.

"Well, as pleasant as this is, I think I'm going to leave now." Jin announced, swinging a leg over the edge of the boat.

"You can't leave me here!" Hwoarang's angry voice echoed off of the tunnel walls. Jin sighed.

"You can walk." Jin replied.

"Hello, fell out of a rollercoaster? Extreme pain!" Hwoarang reminded him. Jin shook his head as he plopped into the waist-deep water.

"All right, climb on." Jin said.

"You're kidding." Hwoarang muttered. "Fine, where the hell are you?"

"Here." A few seconds later, Hwoarang climbed onto Jin's back, and they began the boring trek down through the tunnel.

"How long is this stupid tunnel, anyways?" Hwoarang complained after a couple of minutes.

"I don't know." _I could have been out of here if I didn't have to carry your whiny ass._ Jin added mentally. He shuddered when he finally realized that this was not his worst date yet. "I think we're almost there."

"Look, I told you, Roger, it's not working, don't make a scene!" Hwoarang and Jin both straightened as they heard a motor start up.

"Is that a chainsaw or the boat?" Hwoarang asked.

"Did the boat have a motor?" Jin wondered. Apparently it did. They could hear water splashing as the boat sped up the tunnel.

"Run!" Hwoarang ordered, kicking Jin's sides.

Jin did as he was told, splashing frantically through the tunnel. Their empty boat was demolished behind them.

"I see the light!" Jin reported, running towards the exit.

"Look out!" Mokujin warned as their boat came crashing into view. It was too late.

"NO!" Jin screamed as he tripped.

"I hate y-" the rest of Hwoarang's sentence was drowned out by the water that filled his mouth.

Many minutes later, after Mokujin and Roger's disagreement transitioned to land, Jin and Hwoarang crawled onto the grass.

"Gonna…kill…fucking Mokujin and Roger." Hwoarang wheezed before sprawling out on the ground.

"And it was girl Mokujin." Jin said to no one in particular, eye twitching as he fell next to Hwoarang. "Crudely carved boobs…"

"Hwoarang!" Baek was angrily walking towards them, and Hwoarang groaned. "What did you do to this ride?"

"I didn't do crap!" Hwoarang said.

"Making a mess of everything as usual." Baek reprimanded, pulling Hwoarang up. "Apologize to your rival."

"No! He got off easy, I fell off of a rollercoaster-"

"I don't want to hear it if you're just going to lie to my face!" Baek said, ruthlessly dragging his apprentice.

"You owe me, Kazama! You hear, you owe me!" Hwoarang shouted until he couldn't be seen anymore. Jin took in a deep breath.

"I hate my life." he said.

Back onstage, the Tekken fighters were still writhing from mental trauma.

"Paul, shut up already!" Anna shrieked.

"Is that the best you've got, you homosexual leather-loving emo!" Paul challenged Squall.

"No." Squall said lazily, pressing the detonator again.

"I swear, one day I'm going to kill you." Raven promised under his breath.

"Well, it seems like that was actually one of Jin's better dates." Squall noticed, trying to bring the show to a close.

"What, do you watch this show or something?" Asuka asked.

"It's either this or Advent Children, and I'm sick of watching that." Squall replied. "Anyways, be sure to vote for the next damned soul, and I won't see you next time on Date That Loser."

End Chapter

**A/N: But I wish Squall could host all the time. Oh well, sorry if this date wasn't as funny, gotta find my humor mojo, haha. In other news, I have a new humor up, **_**Heihachi Mishima's Nostalgic Iron School of Fist**_**. It's a little slow starting off, but I think it'll get better. And, for those of you wondering, I posted Bryan and Ogre's Interview from **_**Tekken Interviews**_** on Tekken Zaibatsu. The link can be found in my profile. Thanks to Divinely Ethereal for suggesting it :D Review please!**


	11. Date Eleven: Miguel Rojo

Disclaimer: You'd think they would have given it to me by now, but I guess they've deemed me not worthy.

Date Eleven: Miguel Rojo

Today on the set, there are no bleachers, none of the Tekken fighters are too pleased about it.

"Why have our bleacher privileges been taken away?" Steve complained, scowling down at his crossed legs.

"Probably because we kept pushing people off of it." Lee shrugged. "There's pillows at the bottom of the stage now, too."

"The better question is why are we stuck next to you morons AGAIN." Kazuya growled. He had grown used to the hosting job, as it made him feel (rightly) superior to everyone else. He didn't like sitting on the ground two feet away from such cretins.

"Maybe you guys are just expendable." Christie commented. Kazuya picked up Steve and threw him at her in retaliation, effectively shutting her up.

"Like any safety precautions are going to keep me from hurting people." he muttered sourly. Christie shoved a winded Steve off of her and glared at the back of Kazuya's head, reminding herself to doodle a picture of Kazuya with an ugly duck sitting on his head.

"Kazuya, where's Heihachi?" Jun asked, finally noticing the horrid quiet in place of the old man. Kazuya's eye twitched.

"Don't tell me someone voted for him to go on a date." he said, disgusted at the thought.

"Yeah, because that would not only be gross, it would be incest." Julia added.

"Oh, so you'd normally think incest was just fine?" Hwoarang asked, still bitter about her appearance on his 'date'. "Incest lover." Julia punched his leg cast in response.

"Hello, and welcome to another episode of Date That Loser, made sexier by the appearance of Moi!" All of the Tekken fighters turned their heads to see Dante from Devil May Cry walking up with a microphone.

"Now I know a lot of you are wondering why I'm hosting when there's just been a guest host, but wonderful circumstances merit wonderful people, and I'd just like to promote my appearance in an awesome game coming to stores near you called Marvel VS Capcom 3! That's right, they've finally put me in!" Dante announced to cheering fans. He was about to go on and promote further, but Lars came up from behind him and knocked him down, snatching the microphone before it could fall.

"Forget that fail-game, I'm gonna be a playable character in Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Storm 2!" the fans cheered even louder as Dante got up.

"Oh yes, because it made so much sense to put someone who's not a ninja in a Naruto game." Raven complained bitterly under his breath, and Yoshimitsu and Kunimitsu nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, well you look stupid in that game, man-whore." Dante said, sizing him up. Some of the Tekken fighters made the appropriate "ooh" noises.

"Have you seen yourself recently? At least I can afford a shirt, what the hell is that, a man-bra?" Lars taunted, snapping the brown strip covering Dante's chest.

"Don't touch my-" both man-whores were interrupted when Kazuya pushed both off of the stage, not caring that they would land on cheap pillows.

"Don't listen to any of those idiots. If you want to see a _real_ game, go on to youtube and look up Street Fighter X Tekken to watch me beat the crap out of Ryu." Nina cheered at this bit of news (as she had a part in that trailer), but Jun snatched the microphone from Kazuya.

"Give me that! You don't know what you're doing!" Turning to the audience, she added. "You're all here because you like Tekken, so do me a favor and follow Mr. Harada on Twitter, he said if he gets over five thousand followers, he might put me in Tekken 7! Again, his Twitter name is Harada_Tekken on Twitter-"

"Enough!" a scrawny girl in the audience yelled. "We're not here for your advertising, we just want to see who's dating Jin today!"

"Yeah, you're as bad as those stupid ads that pop up when I'm trying to read a story!" a fellow nerd agreed.

"Or watch a video!"

"Fine." Jun said sullenly, plopping down next to Asuka. Kazuya glared at the crowd but followed suit.

"Dante, hurry it up!" Lili complained. Dante and Lars had been pillow-fighting, but a particularly hard whack from Dante sent Lars flying into an eager audience.

"Heh. Anyways," Dante paused to climb the stage and dust himself off. "Last time, on Date That Loser, you all laughed at Jin's date with Hwoarang, which was only hilarious because he fell off of a rollercoaster."

"Told you!" Hwoarang snapped at Baek. His instructor simply shrugged.

"And after his chances went straight to hell, you all decided to vote, and once again reached another tie between the lovely Asuka Kazama and this time, Miguel Rojo. Again, all of the fighters turned to look at Asuka.

"You're kidding me! Why do I keep losing to men!" she shrieked, punching a hole in the ground.

"Hey, watch it, that's our seat now." Paul grumbled, but she punched him, too.

"Ew…well, anyways, let's see how this date goes." Dante hastily concluded, not liking the angry look in Asuka's eye.

On screen…

Jin sighed as he waited in his mansion. He had a bad feeling that he'd be picked up for all 'man-dates', and he wasn't too eager to answer the door when someone knocked.

"Well, he can't be worse than Hwoarang." Jin tried to console himself. He opened the door and came face-to-face with Miguel, who was sporting a wide, forced smile. It made Jin fear for his safety, and he immediately slammed the door, but Miguel forced his hand in the way and pried it open again.

"Come on, Jin, you know what happens if we don't follow the rules." he said, tapping his foot on the doorstep. Jin thought about that, trying to decide if getting killed was better than seeing Marduk in a bikini. It didn't help that Miguel was still smiling so hard Jin wondered if his face had gotten stuck like that. Deciding that he could probably beat the Latino man if worse came to worse, Jin sighed and stepped out.

"So, where are we going today?" Jin asked suspiciously.

"Just a nice, relaxing trip to the movies." Miguel said, still smiling.

"How'd you get here?" Jin asked, looking around and seeing no car parked in the driveway.

"Walked." Miguel answered.

"Oh. A walk would be nice." Jin said, trying, for once, to start a conversation in the hopes that Miguel would stop smiling.

"Yes. Yes, a walk…" Miguel mused, his grin somehow widening as he thought of something. Jin wondered if he should have updated his will before he left.

_This'll be too easy!_ Miguel thought, relishing the way Jin seemed to want to run to his mother. _Stupid man thinks everyone would do anything just for some money? Like I'm going to throw away a chance for revenge!_

"Um, Miguel?"

"What- I mean, yes?" he asked in that eerily nice voice.

"I asked which one you wanted to see?" Jin asked slowly, as if Miguel were dumb.

"Uh…" Miguel's eyes quickly scanned the titles and times, and pointed at the one that was showing soonest.

"Letters from Juliet?" Jin asked, raising a thick eyebrow.

"Yes, two tickets to that one." Miguel was already at the ticket dispenser.

"They're still playing that?" Jin asked. "Isn't it on DVD soon?"

"This is the dollar movie, Jin, you know, for practical people that don't feel like spending ten dollars to see a movie." Miguel explained, somehow managing to sound superior while talking about being a cheapskate. "Why don't you find us some seats, and I'll get the popcorn?" Jin just walked towards the theatre in response.

_Maybe the place will be packed with cheapskates, and we'll have no choice but to not sit anywhere near each other._ Jin thought hopefully. However, when he walked in, it was to an almost vacant theatre. "Great." he muttered, sitting in a middle row.

The previews were just ending when Miguel walked in with two small bags of popcorn and a couple of drinks.

"Eat up." he said with that fake amiableness, and Jin took a good look into his popcorn. Sure enough, the top pieces seemed to be curling inwards, never a good sign.

"Uh, thanks." Jin muttered flatly, putting his soda -which was also to remain untouched- in the cup holder.

"See, I told you there was still time for us to get in!" A slightly familiar voice whispered loudly. Miguel rolled his eyes as Jin turned in his seat. There, walking down the aisle, were Miharu and Panda, both trying to squeeze into the theatre quietly despite Panda's cumbersome size. They settled in the very first row.

"Ah, great." Miguel grumbled, as Panda was directly obscuring his view. "Hey, fatso, down in front!"

"Sh!" Miharu turned around to face Miguel. "The movie's starting, and you're being totally rude!"

"I'm being rude? She knows she's big, she's gotta sit in the back!" Miguel argued. Miharu gasped.

"Why don't you just change seats?" she argued. Jin tried to ignore them and instead focus on the opening scene. _Typical. Office woman about to go on the trip of a lifetime._ Jin thought.

"Oh yeah, where are we supposed to go that _won't_ have fur-butt blocking the view?" Miguel gestured wildly to the limited seating. "Just move!"

"Oh my god, you're so mean!" Miharu flipped him off before turning back to her friend. "What's that? Oh, no, no, I'm sure he didn't. They'll be here, don't worry." she assured Panda.

"This is ridiculous." Miguel said, standing up. Jin only watched as he stormed out of the theatre. Really, had his date ended already? How fortunate. He leaned back to enjoy what he could see of the movie.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, THERE'S A FREAKING BEAR IN THE THEATER!" Jin pinched at the bridge of his nose. How was it that he was ruining one of the easiest dates not to screw up on?

"Well, sir, if you wanted good quality animal control, you should have paid the extra nine bucks and gone to a real theater." A bored voice replied to Miguel's outburst.

Miguel came back in, swearing under his breath as he took his seat. _No matter, Miguel, watching this chick flick wasn't the objective anyways._ He reminded himself. _Either Jin will eat the poisoned popcorn, drink the poisoned soda or I'll stab him with my rusty knife before this movie ends, and it will be all over the news that he died watching a woman movie. _The thought was soothing, and soon Miguel was behaving too-good naturedly again…until Panda and Miharu both stuck out their tongues at him.

"Why you little-!" Miguel caught himself yet again, taking a huge deep breath and forcing himself to sit down.

_As soon as this movie is over, I'm gone._ Jin decided. _Miguel's even crazier than Hwoarang, at least he's only obsessed with beating me up._

Just when Jin was beginning to feel semi-comfortable, someone else came into the theatre, disrupting the movie with their loud entrance.

"See, Kuma, I told you it was _Letters from Juliet_ and not _Killers_! Girls don't like interesting movies." Jin shrunk away from the voice that clearly belonged to his grandfather. The way he saw it, there could be no good in Heihachi knowing about this little "date". He covered Miguel's mouth before he could holler at the old man to shut up. He glowered down at Jin.

"Trust me, it's better if he never knows." Jin whispered. He kept his hand on Miguel's mouth as Kuma and Heihachi took their seats next to Panda and Miharu, knowing the short-tempered man was about to snap again.

"Shut up!" Jin whispered sharply.

"No, do you not see this? Now there's _two_ fat-asses and a freak with pointy hair up front!"

"Just knock it off already!" Jin whisper-yelled, ducking down when Heihachi turned to "sh!" them.

Miguel was going mad trapped in the theater with all of those Asian weirdoes. Surreptitiously, he checked his watch. Only fifteen minutes had passed! _Crap, how long was this movie? _For the life of him, he couldn't remember. He went back to thinking his 'soothing' thoughts, repeating them over and over like a mantra.

Jin had begun to think that he had a chance of finishing the movie without any bad incidents when he noticed Miguel slowly reaching into his coat.

_That doesn't look healthy_. Jin noted as the rusty knife came into view. Seeing that he'd been caught red-handed, Miguel only smiled.

"My name is Miguel Rojo. You killed my sister. Prepare to die." he whispered under his breath.

"Wait, what? AH!" Jin quickly ducked out of the way, a difficult feat considering he was stuck between seats.

"Quiet down back there!" Miharu ordered. Panda growled something, and Miharu added: "And don't rip off over-used quotes!"

"I'll deal with you in a minute!" Miguel threatened before turning back to Jin. He was nonplussed to discover that the young dictator was nowhere to be found. However, soon enough he heard commotion behind him, and saw Jin desperately clambering over seats to get away. "I don't think so!"

"Hey, I've been waiting almost two hours for them to get together, you will not ruin this for- Jin?" Jin had no time to cringe when Heihachi finally realized that his grandson was in the same theater as he was.

"Heihachi, send Kuma at him or something!" Jin yelled as Miguel grabbed his ankle.

"Who is that?" Heihachi asked, squinting in the dark. "Is that Miguel?"

"Shove it old timer!" Miguel retorted.

"It is!" Heihachi realized, his tone raising in rage.

"I know, Miguel sucks." Miharu agreed.

"No, I will not allow this!" Heihachi roared, making his way to the scuffle in back. "Jin, if you're going to be gay, be gay with someone that won't make you the bitch, like Steve!"

"I'm not gay!" Jin yelled in his defense. Why did everyone think that?

"YAAA!" Heihachi dove off of a chair and landed on Miguel. Jin used that opportunity to scoot out of danger. "Get away from my grandson, you big scary Mexican!" Miguel gasped in offense.

"How dare you assume my heritage! I'll have you know I am a proud Spaniard!"

_You'll have to excuse Heihachi_. Kuma wrote, even though no one could possibly read it in the dark. _He's had Latino-phobia since he visited the Aztec Ruins. _The big bear was ignored. Jin watched the fight for about three more seconds before deciding to quietly make his escape.

"Never thought I'd say this, but thank you, Heihachi." Jin said as he walked into the main entrance. He would just have to look up the end of that movie when he got home.

Back onstage…

"Well, that was, um…" Dante struggled to find the right word. "Disturbing. And offensive to the poor Latinos. But don't worry, Dante loves you. If you're hot. And female." he added, grinning at the camera.

"Heihachi did have a point about Miguel, though, he would totally make Jin the bitch." Xiaoyu declared, and a few girls nodded in agreement.

"I would not be Jin's bitch." Steve muttered moodily, but was only laughed at by the men, until Nina slapped them upside the head.

"Just as a reminder, Miguel makes man-date numero dos, which means there's only uh…how do you say six in Spanish?" Dante asked.

"Seis, dumb-ass." King answered.

"Yeah, Seis more man-dates." Dante said, waving his hand in King's direction. "I know you're all sad you can't vote for me-"

"More like he's sad." Bruce muttered.

"-but I'm sure you'll have fun torturing these morons next time on Date That Loser!" as the lights dimmed, he turned coldly towards the fighters. "And I heard that." he added before pushing the cursed detonator.

End Chapter

**A/N: The funniest thing about this is that all of those "advertisements" in the beginning were all true. I know, my mind just about 'sploded too. You can find the link to the Jun news in my profile.**


	12. Date Twelve: Asuka Kazama

Disclaimer: Tekken. It's not mine. After five years of stupidity, I think everyone's well aware of that.

Date Twelve: Asuka Kazama

Jun, Kazuya and Heihachi are on stage with the microphone, where they belong for once. The bleachers are also back, and the pillows are gone.

"Before we start the show, I would like to report that Harada's twitter has over four thousand followers! We're well on our way to getting the five thousand needed to maybe get me back into Tekken!" Jun announced to a cheering crowd. Heihachi booty-bumped her out of the way.

"But more important than that, Tekken Tag 2 has been announced! Check out the trailer on youtube to see Jin and Asuka beat up Leo and Kazuya!" he told them, and for once wasn't booed. Kazuya punched him.

"Hey, we were beating the crap out of them pretty good!" Leo protested.

"Anyways," Kazuya went on, not liking that he'd been paired up with the androgynous one. "The dumb-crap producer is thrilled at having gotten over one hundred and fifty reviews, whatever that means. Unfortunately she wasn't happy enough to get a heart attack." The fighters were disappointed.

"She also says not to skip the bold text after the show if you want to win a lame prize." Jun added flatly. "Whatever that means."

"Moving on," Heihachi decided. "Last time, on Date That Loser, I was present to witness Miguel trying to make Jin his bitch! How dare he!"

"Shut up already!" Miguel scowled from the bleachers, flipping off the old man.

"But today Jin will get a well-deserved break from the men to go out with….Asuka?" Jun squinted her index card and raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that incest?"

"Gross." Kazuya commented.

"Sh!" Heihachi scolded as the lights dimmed.

…

Jin was waiting not-so-patiently outside of the Kazama household. He glared up at the sky from his seat in the car, wondering how he'd gotten stuck on a date with his younger cousin.

_And what if she's not my cousin?_ Jin thought worriedly, remembering how Alisa had commented that she thought they were siblings. Robots didn't say that sort of thing for no reason, it was always for a reason. _Oh god, it would be King-hick status if I went out with my sister!_ Jin thought, not knowing how he'd live with the embarrassment.

"Why hello, Jin, long time no see," Jin glanced up to see Asuka's father, his uncle, crouching to get a good luck at him.

"Um, hi." _Maybe he won't approve of it, and I can go home!_ Jin thought happily, but his hopes were crushed when Asuka came skipping down the path behind her father.

"I think it's great that you two are finally getting to know each other." the oldest Kazama commented. Asuka rolled her eyes as she walked around to the passenger side of the car. "You two have a good time, and behave!" he waved as Jin started the car.

"Where to?" Jin asked dryly, and Asuka glared over at him.

"Okay, look, my dad doesn't know that this is part of Date- I mean, Tekken Blind Dating," Asuka quickly amended. "And it doesn't have to be weird, we're just cousins hanging out, okay?"

"Where to?" Jin repeated, and Asuka sighed.

"The fashion show in Kyoto." Asuka mumbled, looking out of her window.

"You're kidding me." Jin said.

"I didn't choose it! You know how this stupid show works!" Asuka complained, not looking back at Jin. He didn't argue back, and Asuka knew it was going to be a quiet ride to Kyoto. _Okay, Asuka, all you have to do is remind him that he actually _likes_ the Kazama side of the family, and if I can remind him of Jun then he'll want to hang out more, and he'll say yes to another round of cousin bonding._ Asuka thought smugly. Family was the one thing she had over Jin that no other girl had.

The fashion show turned out to be everything Jin hated; showy, anorexic girls prancing around in frilly, impractical clothing. Not that they'd entered the building just yet, he was too busy scowling at the poster.

"Maybe we'll get some costume ideas for the next tournament, hm?" Asuka suggested, nudging Jin's arm. He sighed before walking in ahead of her. "I guess chivalry's dead." she muttered under her breath before following.

They settled in their seats near the front and watched as a lively hostess announced the twenty-third annual blah blah blah about blah. Jin, irritated by then was looking for any and every flaw with the date (and Asuka) so he would have a valid excuse to leave.

_Oh shit, he's gonna try to bail!_ Asuka could just tell by the way he was squeezing his smurf-shaped stress ball…thing. _Come on, Asuka, think like a Kazama!_ "Um…so, do you think Aunt Jun would have liked any of these designs?" Asuka asked, showing Jin a brochure that she'd snatched from the woman in front of her.

"Huh?" Jin stopped with his stress-squeezing to look at the brochure. His eyes widened and he looked away. "I don't really want to think of mother wearing those." he muttered, blushing before causing the smurf to explode. Confused, Asuka looked down only to see that she'd snatched a brochure featuring lingerie. _CRAP!_

"Well, maybe she'd like the white-?"

"I really don't want to think about that." Jin said firmly, his mouth turning in a frown. "It's like if I asked that about your father."

"What? But that's totally different! That's way grosser!" Asuka shuddered. "It's not like I told you to picture Kazuya-"

"Oh god!" Jin clutched his forehead and cursed his overactive imagination. "I'm going to the bathroom." he said curtly.

"You'll come back, right?" Asuka asked, but didn't receive a response. "He has to come back, he was my ride here…" she tried to assure herself.

"And now, presenting our newest model, Feng Wei!" Asuka's head snapped to the center stage at the sound of her arch nemesis' name. She glared as Feng cat-walked down the aisle, looking far too proud of the Italian suit he was modeling.

"BOO!" Asuka yelled, cupping her hands to help the insult travel. Feng merely sassed her as he sashayed back to the curtains. "Why that stupid-"

"Something wrong?" Jin drawled, taking his seat again. Asuka hadn't realized that she was standing up until that moment. Giving a weak smile, she sat down as well.

"Just thought there was something on my chair, is all." she said, giving a forced smile that Miguel would have been proud of. Jin watched her warily, wondering if there was a rusty knife stashed in her purse.

They sat quietly and watched a few more models walk on with their latest fashions, Asuka tensed in case Feng dared to show up again. After about an hour, it seemed almost mellow, and Asuka began to relax in her seat. Jin, though bored with the whole thing, was only brooding instead of scowling, a good sign. That is, until his cell phone went off.

"Sorry, I have to take this," he muttered, walking out of the building before Asuka could protest. She sighed, slumping in her seat.

"I better win this date," she mumbled. "An hour of sitting with Mr. Emo…" she shook her head. She glared as a horribly familiar Chinese man began walking on the catwalk, this time in a sleek gray suit.

"You're freaking kidding me." Asuka muttered to herself, seeing Feng for the second time without Jin. "You suck! Go home!" she shouted.

"Jealous much?" he spat before turning sharply down the catwalk. Fuming, Asuka pulled out her cell phone.

"This time, I'll have evidence." she mumbled, pleased by her own genius. Feng was already near the back, so she had to hold her phone high above her head to get the shot. Jin made his way back down the aisle.

"Sorry about that." Jin apologized. Nina had been pestering him about yet another raise, but after his tactful response of "Not today you tired old Milf", he'd only had to deal with her usual death threats before hanging up.

"Jin, he was up there again!" Asuka said, tugging on his sleeve. Jin yanked his arm back and stared down at her.

"Really now?" he asked in a bored tone. However, Asuka was not put off in the slightest.

"See?" she held her phone up to his face, so he went almost cross-eyed focusing on it. He snatched it from her and looked at it, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Okaaaaay." he said slowly, giving her a weird look. Impatient and half-knowing it couldn't have meant anything good, Asuka took her phone back. She was shocked and horrified to see not a picture of Feng, but Wang digging his nose when he thought no one was looking.

"What?" she asked, frantically scrolling through the pictures to try to find Feng.

At the set…

Steve and Hwoarang were laughing hysterically, both at risk of falling off of their seats.

"I told you that stealing her phone and taking that picture would be priceless!" Hwoarang cackled.

"I didn't think it would work so well!" Steve wheezed.

"Why isn't he picking up his phone?" Nina demanded, re-dialing Jin's number.

"Ew, grandpa Wang, totally gross!" Xiao said, wrinkling her nose at her elder.

"I didn't realize the nose-picking police were watching!" he defended.

Back at the date…

Asuka became more and more irritated as she scrolled her phone only to find more stupid bleacher pictures. She didn't even remember taking over half of those! Jin glanced over at her phone.

"Why do you have so many pictures of the fighters?" Jin asked.

"How should I know? I didn't take any of these-Hwoarang!" Asuka stopped her rant when she realized who the culprit was. "He was touching my phone, I KNEW it!"

"When would Hwoarang have access to your phone?" Jin asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Like her or not, Asuka was still family, and the thought of his rival getting anywhere near his family was enough to make him want to puke.

It was then that Asuka got her bright idea. _Of course! If I want him to do something, I have to psych him out!_ She shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, you know, I've been hitting a few parties after tournaments, and he's sometimes there."

"What kind of parties?" Jin asked suspiciously. He mentally cringed, imagining awful things.

In Jin's head…

"Hey, Kazama, I knocked up your cousin!" Hwoarang was much louder than he normally was, his grin wider. A rounded Asuka smiled and shrugged next to him. "Guess that makes us cousins."

Just then, Alisa came flying up, waving a document in her hand.

"Oh, look, Mr. Kazama, I just obtained DNA records, turns out you and Asuka are siblings after all!" she said cheerfully. Jin's mouth fell open, his expression one of pure terror. Lars walked up and placed an arm around Alisa.

"And we're getting married in the spring." he said happily, kissing Alisa on the cheek.

"Guess that makes us all brothers." Hwoarang smiled as Lars nodded, both of them staring at Jin.

Back to his date…

"Wild parties." Asuka said, smiling. She noted her cousin's twitching eye. _Yes, he's getting upset!_

"No." he said quiet calmly despite the horrible encounter with his imagination.

"Huh?" Asuka said, cocking her head to the side.

"I won't have it." Jin said, standing up.

"Are you mad?" Asuka asked, just a little worried.

"And now, introducing another fan-favorite, Lili Rochefort!" the announcer's voice boomed, but for once neither Kazama looked up.

"I will not, _will not_ have family ties with that baboon." Jin said quietly, staring at Asuka in a creepy manner.

Lili strutted down the runway, hips swinging as she walked. She looked down to sneer at Asuka, only to find that she wasn't paying any attention. She glared, disliking the lack of attention.

"Hell-o!" she snapped, placing a hand on her hip. "I'm modeling here!"

"It's not a big deal, Jin." Asuka replied. In the background, Lili threw her hands up in the air.

"That settles it, you're not going out partying anymore, not if that's the company you keep." Jin said.

"Who do you think you are, my father?" Asuka shot.

"Well you know what, I don't think your father would appreciate you being a skank." Jin retorted.

"Skank?" Asuka repeated, insulted. "I'm not a skank!"

"Oh, then why would Hwoarang be hanging out with you at parties? Because he likes wholesome women?" Jin rolled his eyes.

"Going to parties and talking to boys does not make me a skank!" Asuka argued, forgetting the fact that she had made up the entire thing. "Maybe I just like talking to boys, I also talk to Steve, and King, and Miguel, and-"

"Oh, Anna just called, she wants her status as tournament whore back." Jin argued.

"Hey, would you two stop arguing for two seconds and acknowledge-"

"SHUT UP!" Jin turned and yelled at Lili so violently that she startled and fell off of the stage.

"Just because you're a frustrated virgin doesn't mean the rest of us have to be!" Asuka argued.

"Sir, Ma'am, you're causing a distraction, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave." a security guard said, but went ignored.

"You're a disgrace to the Kazama name! From now on, you can be Asuka…Asuka whatever the hell Hwoarang's last name is, because I don't know it!" Jin yelled.

"Why don't you change your last name to Jin Stick-up-his-butt?" Asuka sassed.

"You know what, I've changed my mind, you can be Asuka _Marduk_." No sooner had Jin finished his sentence then Asuka let out an enraged shriek and tackled him to the ground.

"I'll kill you for that!" she exclaimed. Both cousins began destructively brawling, and everyone -Lili and Feng included- fled the building.

Back at the set…

"Well that was…horrible." Jun commented.

"I can't believe it, that skank tried to use me!" Hwoarang said. Steve was still laughing.

"That was a good date, guv." he said, wiping a tear out of his eye.

"Well, that concludes another crappy date, so vote and we'll see you next time on Date That Loser." Kazuya said.

End Chapter

**A/N: Just because that's how family gets along, I thought it would be funny to throw that in. Sorry for the long pause, life has been drawing and college as of late, but I'm about to make it up to you with a winnable prize!  
**

**However can answer the following questions about this fic first will win either a one-shot story of almost anything (for Tekken, of course), or, if they'd prefer, I'll draw them their favorite Tekken scene, either from the actual game or from this fic. Ready? Here goes:**

**1. Who sabotaged Jin's first date with Anna Williams? (Two made an appearance)**

**2. Where were Nina and Jin initially supposed to go for their date?**

**3. Who got in trouble after Jin and Xiaoyu's Halloween date?**

**4. Who did Azazel cosplay as?**

**5. Who did Jin think he was going hiking with? (he ended up with Lili)**

**6. What did Heihachi call Alisa on Thanksgiving?**

**7. Why did Christie think she would have an edge over Xiao?**

**8. Who bluntly asked if Leo was a boy or girl on Leo's date?**

**9. Who tagged along for Julia's date?**

**10. Who did Jin and Hwoarang run over on the way to the fair?**

**BONUS: What video game lines were Jin and Asuka quoting after his little over-imaginative episode?**

**You only get one chance (if anyone decides to go for it) so choose your answers wisely! Thanks for all the loving support, keep it up!**


	13. Date Thirteen: Steve Fox

Disclaimer: I was gone for a whole two months because I finally seized control of Tekken! Psh, yeah right.

Date Thirteen: Steve Fox

"Hello, and welcome to another waste-of-your-life episode of Date That Loser!" Heihachi loudly announced to an enthused audience. The fighters on the bleachers booed.

"I was hoping this stupid show got cancelled." Michelle grumbled.

"I don't hope anymore." Julia replied, staring off into space. Michelle scooted a little further from her adopted daughter, reminding herself to sign her up for therapy when this was all over.

"Um…anyways, last time there was a little quiz competition." Jun said. "And the winner who answered all ten questions correctly first was none other than RenegadeZabuzaMomochi! Congratulations, you will get your drawing of Asuka sometime soon."

"No one answered the bonus question." Kazuya said, just to try to make fans feel bad.

"But it's a good thing, it means you're not a bunch of emos!" Heihachi assured the crowd. "The question was: 'What video game lines were Jin and Asuka quoting after his little over-imaginative episode?' Jim, replay that clip!"

Clip

"I won't have it." Jin said, standing up.

"Are you mad?" Asuka asked, just a little worried.

End clip

"Oh yes, because the answer to that was so obvious." Anna drawled.

"Of course it was!" Bryan snapped. "It's from Final Fantasy VIII, right after Squall thinks that Seifer's dead, don't you people know anything! God, you all make me sick with your fascinations with newer, stupider video games-" Yoshimitsu did everyone a favor and slapped Bryan off of the bleachers before he could continue with his nerd rant.

"Thank you," Jun said before continuing. "Anyways…you all know that date with Asuka failed, and-" Jun stopped, gasping.

"What?" Kazuya asked, looking over her shoulder to read the index card.

"Gross, somebody suggested that the producer date my son!" Jun exclaimed, squinting down at a stats page. All of the fighters (Kazuya and Heihachi included) began laughing. "Shut up!" the fighters continued laughing. "I said shut up!" out of nowhere Jun pulled out a gun and fired it at the ceiling. Immediately every fighter stopped.

"Jun, calm down, it's not that bad," Kazuya tried to reason with her, but backed up when she pointed the gun at him.

"I would rather commit horrible, cruel mass murder right here and now than allow for my son to go anywhere near-" Jun was cut off by a fortunate tranquilizer dart that hit her in the rear, courtesy of Kuma. She fell over immediately, and Kazuya was quick to take her gun.

"Oh, Kuma, is there nothing you can't do?" Heihachi said with adoration. Kazuya grabbed Heihachi and threw him into the bear, both out of irritation and to avenge his lover. The index card drifted over to Feng.

"All right, the next person dating the not-worthless Kazama is Steve." he muttered.

"WHAT?" Nina screamed, but was shushed by other fighters.

…

Jin was waiting not-so-patiently in his home, bruises from his last "date" with Asuka just beginning to fade. He was sick of all the dating, and he knew that the waiting in his own home meant that he was being picked up by yet another man. Being the mature adult that he was, he decided to take it out on the dart board, which just so conveniently had a picture of Kazuya's face taped over it.

"Great," he muttered when the doorbell finally rang. He threw one last dart (which missed the target) before getting up to answer the door.

Steve stood awkwardly in the snow, waiting very patiently for Jin to answer. He couldn't help the smug smile that hit his face; with his intellect and British charm, how _couldn't_ he win this challenge? Sure, he'd never hit on a man before, but he figured Jin was more emotionally like a woman anyways, so it shouldn't be too hard to woo the ever-brooding Kazama. To be honest, Steve was more worried about how he was going to get Jin to leave him alone after the show came to an end.

_Well, if I send my fan girls on him…yes, yes. But do they outnumber the amount of yaoi fans in the world?_ Steve was interrupted from his thoughts when the door swung open to reveal a (Surprise!) brooding Jin.

"Where are we going?" Jin asked, not moving from the doorway. Probably so he could retreat if he didn't like the sounds of it.

"Well, hello to you, too," Steve greeted warmly. "To answer your question, we're going to a cooking class, it should be loads of fun." he said with a perfectly straight and Crest-whitened smile. Jin took no notice and instead pushed past Steve to sit in the passenger seat of the only car in the driveway that wasn't his. Steve shrugged and walked back to his seat.

"So, how was your Christmas?" Steve asked good-naturedly as they drove out of Jin's property.

"I'd rather not think about it." Jin said quietly, suppressing a shudder. Between Lee making fun of Jin and Asuka for "dating" and Jinpachi insisting Lars dress like a proper lady, the only escape from the Christmas horror was the bottle of crown royal Jin had wisely duct-taped under the table. Well, it would have been if Kazuya hadn't found it first.

"I can relate, guv." Steve nodded solemnly. "Mum and aunt Anna weren't the best to mix in with my adoptive parents." Jin didn't need to hear anymore; Nina had already complained to him about how she "couldn't understand a damned word those freaks said" and how Anna kept interrupting conversations to make Steve translate. Throw in the fact that Nina and Anna were around Steve's age, well, they might as well have just spent the holiday on the set of Jerry Springer.

Speaking of Nina…why was it that suddenly Steve's face kind of looked like hers? Jin blinked, hoping it would go away, but there was definitely some of Nina in Steve, and frankly, it was creeping him out. It was like seeing a man-Nina, Jin realized.

"Um…so what are we cooking?" Jin asked, trying to get that thought out of his head.

"Huh? Oh yes, the class. I'm not too sure, actually, you know how it is with this Blind Dating." Steve said with an innocent shrug. Lies. Of course he'd made sure to call the organization to see what was being taught! And as it turned out, it was spaghetti. A little odd to be taught during the holiday season, but Steve considered himself a master of pasta, and could only see good coming from this lesson. After all, in every chick flick he'd been forced to watch, both men and women were impressed by someone who could cook. It was sexy.

Steve totally had this.

Jin tried not to cringe at the smug smile that curved exactly like Nina's.

…

"Hello, everyone, and welcome!" a motherly woman chirped about fifteen minutes later. Steve, Jin, and about ten others were standing behind rows of counters in a community college classroom, all paired off and waiting for instructions. "My name is Kate, and today I'll be teaching you the joy of cooking spaghetti!" she waved her arms enthusiastically, and Jin thought she probably didn't get out often enough. Either that or she wasn't _allowed_ out often at all.

"Now then, I'm glad to see you've all got partners, I'm sure they'll be very useful! Unfortunately, we had a couple of unanticipated guests today, so I don't have any prep materials, but the instructions are all written on the board, and if you have any questions just ask me, I'll be glad to help!" Kate said cheerfully. She waited for a few more seconds before everyone else took that as a cue to start.

"Okay, the first thing we should do is put the water on to boil," Steve instructed, grabbing the stainless steel pot. Jin pushed it back onto the counter. He'd decided long ago (about five minutes to be exact) that he would ruin this date to keep Steve and his Nina-like qualities far away from him. If that meant being an out of character jerk instead of a brooding jerk, then so be it.

"The board says we should wash our hands." Jin said, and Steve's mouth tightened.

"Right," Steve replied, just barely able to keep his wonderful charm alive. "How silly of me." Both men walked over to the counter to wash their hands, and when they came back Steve made to grab the pot again, but Jin once again prevented him from moving it.

"We have to put on the aprons," he said, pointing to the neat white cloth folded at the end of the counter. Steve was about to respond with a dry British remark when pots crashing behind him made him jump.

"Smooth move, X-Lax," a scathingly familiar voice spat, and both Jin and Steve turned to see Kunimitsu standing next to Marduk, the obvious source of the mess around them.

"Hey, it could have just as easily been you. How the hell do you see behind that mask, anyways?" Marduk countered, and Kunimitsu punched him in the gut.

"Kunimitsu? What are you doing here?" Steve asked pointedly. This harlot wasn't about to ruin his chances at money!

"Cooking. What else?" she sneered.

"With Marduk?" Jin asked.

"I lost a bet with Yoshimitsu," she said sourly.

"Ugh…" Marduk finally got up. It looked like he was about to say something mean to Kunimitsu, but he took notice of Jin and Steve. A grin lit up his face. "How does this not surprise me?" he chuckled.

"Shut up you brute," Steve shot, and Jin sighed heavily.

"So I'm taking it you're the woman in this relationship?" Marduk asked, knowing very well it would bring up bad memories of Heihachi calling Steve 'The bitch in the relationship'.

"I could say the same to you," Steve said, and had to quickly evade the dagger that was sent flying towards his head.

"I wouldn't touch this Australian Sasquatch with Yoshimitsu's sword ." Kunimitsu growled. "And oh, isn't this sweet, trying to learn how to cook? You men don't belong in the kitchen."

"Wait, what?" Steve asked.

"You heard me, crumpet-boy, men don't know what they're doing in most life situations, you can't trust them with a bunch of heat and knives." Both Jin and Steve's mouths fell open.

"That…that just may be the most sexist thing I've ever heard." Steve said in disbelief.

"Well, seeing as you're plenty manly, you shouldn't be allowed in a kitchen either. Or allowed to reproduce, for that matter." Jin retorted.

"Do I sense a challenge?" Kunimitsu asked.

"Is everything okay over there?" the rec leader asked.

"It's fine, Kate!" Marduk answered.

"You honestly think you can out-cook me?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, you know what, I do," Kunimitsu said. "even with this handicap." she added, pointing at Marduk.

"Well, why don't we make this a little interesting?" Steve suggested. "If my dish-"

"Our dish," Jin muttered under his breath.

"-wins, you have to take off your mask," most of the room gasped, despite none of them knowing who Kunimitsu was.

"Fine. But if I win-"

"-we win," Marduk corrected.

"You guys have to slap Nina." Kunimitsu said.

"What?" Steve asked, not liking that idea one bit. "I thought it was Michelle that you disliked?"

"You can slap her too." Kunimitsu shrugged.

"Deal," Jin replied. The way he saw it, either way he won. They nodded to each other before starting to prepare.

"Okay, so she's very cunning and sneaky, so she'll probably try to cheat," Jin said as Steve put the water to boil. "Fortunately for us, Marduk's big, and won't be able to maneuver around the kitchen so easily. As if on cue, a bunch of pots crashed behind them, and Kunimitsu yelled: "Dammit, Marduk!"

Steve was busy thinking of how he could manage to win Jin's affections, or at least gain enough interest to get another date. He gracefully chopped the onions and garlic, hoping Jin might appreciate the finesse Steve put into such an easy task.

"What are you doing?" Jin asked.

"Oh, I'm just going to add this to the sauce," Steve explained, holding the cutting board above the spaghetti sauce that was warming on the stove.

"Those are too big," Jin wrinkled his nose at the chunks of onion and garlic that were about to go in his pasta sauce. "Cut them smaller."

"No, I don't think I will," Steve replied, and before Jin could argue, he wiped them all in with a swipe of his knife.

"Well, way to go, Steve, now we're going to lose to Team Reject." Jin muttered.

"I assure you, we won't." Steve said with a glare. Why was Jin being so difficult? He'd only been moody on all of the other dates.

"You know what, fine, I have no problem slapping your mom." Jin said, turning back to the meat.

"And just what does that mean?" Steve asked. Nina may have been a monster, but she was still his mother. His mum-ster.

"And how are you two gentlemen doing?" the coordinator had come around to check on their progress.

"We're fine-"

"He cut the onions and garlic too big," Jin complained, pointing to the sauce. Steve's eye twitched.

"Oh, nonsense, they're very robust," Kate said with a smile before undoubtedly sensing the crazy and walking away.

"Hear that, Steve, she's comparing your garlic and onions to Ganryu's eyebrows. Maybe if Lili's the judge, we'll win." Jin said, still not turning to face Steve.

"Would you shut up about the bloody garlic and onions?" Steve asked, incensed. "And what are you doing?"

"I'm going to make meatballs, what does it look like I'm doing?" Jin asked, finally turning just a little to look at Steve.

"You didn't add the cap full of vinegar," Steve said, bringing the gallon over.

"That's not on the board." Jin said, scanning over the directions again.

"Of course it's not, it's our secret weapon." Steve said, beginning to pour the contents into the small green cap.

"Gross, I'm not putting vinegar in the meatballs, what are you, stupid?" Jin asked.

"No, I actually know what I'm talking about. And what the hell do you know about cooking? Spoiled brat." Steve added.

"I could ask you the same thing. Since when do British people know anything outside of Sherlock Holmes and crumpets?" Jin retorted.

"Far more than you Japanese. All you have is plot hole-filled anime and _yaoi_." Steve hissed the last word.

"No vinegar!" Jin yelled and quickly began lumping the meat into what was probably supposed to be balls before tossing them into a pan.

"Just a little you stupid-" Steve tried to get around Jin, but the dark-haired man elbowed him and continued with his sloppy work.

"You just couldn't listen to me!" Steve grumbled as Jin popped the pan into the oven. "Would it kill you to take somebody else's opinion into consideration?"

"You already got your Quasimodo-sauce, you're not ruining the meatballs, too." Jin snorted.

"All right, but when Ms. Kate says there's something lacking about the meatballs, we'll all know who to blame." Steve said, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, it'll be you, since the ugly sauce will stop anyone from trying the damn food." Jin replied. "And get lost!" he added to Marduk, who'd been trying to sneak some laxatives into their dish. The large man immediately scurried back to his station, shaking his fist as he did so.

"Whatever, just pass me the rest of the garlic, I have to prepare the bread," Steve said, slicing the French bread.

"No, I've seen how you cut garlic, I'll cut those." Jin said, walking to the other end of the counter.

"Whatever already!" Steve snapped.

About thirty minutes later…

Kunimitsu stared at the set up before her, half amazed and half horribly disturbed.

There, laid out in a perfect arrangement and looking absolutely gourmet was her station's spaghetti. Marduk expertly placed a sprig of parsley on one of the sample plates before proudly stepping away. He grinned and waited for Kunimitsu to respond.

"…the hell?" Kunimitsu finally replied.

"Told you I was good." Marduk said proudly. Kunimitsu had cooked the whole thing (like she'd let Marduk near fire!), but the large man proved to be exceptionally good at plating, something she hadn't expected.

"I'm still not going out with you." she said flatly, and he frowned.

"Oh, that's just great, their dish looks perfect." Steve complained, glaring over at the utopian spaghetti.

"Yeah, notice how small the-"

"Shut up, Jin!" Steve snapped. He'd given up on winning that stupid date (why would he need to anyways, he was a professional boxer!), and now just wanted to get out of the recreational center as fast as he could.

"Well, what have we here?" Kate asked, beaming at Marduk and Kunimitsu's pasta masterpiece. "This is absolutely gorgeous! Are you sure you needed this class?" she asked sweetly.

"Um, hey, do you think you could do us a favor?" Kunimitsu asked, not liking that Marduk was being complimented so generously.

"How can I help?"

"Well, you see, we and our friends in front of us are having a little competition, and we wanted to know which one was better." Kunimitsu explained.

"Oh, but they both look so delicious," Kate cooed. "I don't know which one I'd chose."

"When's dinner ready!" Jinpachi threw the door to the rec center open and looked around the room, eyes finally setting to glare at Jin.

"I want my dinner!" he complained.

"I'm sorry, the nursing home is in the next building, and sometimes the more free-spirited residents wander out over here," Kate apologized. "Come on, sir, I'll escort you back home."

"Thank god," Steve muttered under his breath.

"Um, actually, that's my grandpa," Jin spoke up, and all of the fighters gave him an incredulous look. "My mom checked him out and told him to meet me here."

"Why would you do that to-" Steve whispered harshly, but Jinpachi had already plopped down next to Jin.

"Hey, grandpa, made you dinner," Jin said, sliding the plate of spaghetti towards the small old man.

"But wouldn't you rather have some of our not-ugly spaghetti?" Kunimitsu asked, pushing her plate in front of Jinpachi.

"Keep in mind that Marduk made it," Steve muttered.

"I know, why don't you try both and then eat whichever one you like better," Jin suggested. Jinpachi muttered something incoherent before picking up a fork and trying Jin and Steve's spaghetti.

"Hm…" he chewed thoughtfully, then gasped and dropped the fork, clutching at his throat.

"Oh my god he's choking!" Kate gasped, both hands going to her cheeks in shock. "Somebody help the poor old thing!"

"Isn't he supposed to be dust anyways?" Steve muttered bitterly.

"It would be a better way to go out than strapped to a rocket." Jin added. Though that was probably true, Jinpachi recovered and spat out the large piece of onion.

"Are you trying to assassinate me!" he yelled in outrage.

"Kinda, not really." Steve shrugged.

"Here, have some better spaghetti, you'll feel better," Kunimitsu said, giving the plate to Jinpachi once again.

"I think I will," he said, picking up the fork and taking a bite. "And this one is better!"

"Told you," Jin said to Steve.

"I have had enough! I don't know what's wrong with you, but you've been a jerk all day! Frankly I don't think I've done anything to-"

"By the way, Grandpa, I'm on a date with him." Jin said, jerking his thumb in Steve's direction.

"WHAT! I thought that was just a flat-chested girl!" Jinpachi screamed, his body bulking up as he was engulfed in purple flames.

"Jin, you-AH!" Steve just barely dove out from under Jinpachi's large foot. Jin cackled to himself as he ran for the door.

"Stupid man-Nina," he mumbled.

"So, did we win?" Marduk turned to ask Kunimitsu, but the ninja was long gone. He was knocked over by one of Jinpachi's fire-blasts.

Back at the set…

"Of course he snaps at the same time that his mother does," Kazuya grumbled, slightly disgusted by the mother-son bond they shared.

"If those two try to slap me, they're going straight to the hospital," Nina growled.

"What are you talking about, it's not hard to get away with it, all they have to do is this," Anna said, slapping, then double-slapping her sister. She laughed and ran away from the murderous glare the blonde sported. Lee once again pulled out his phone to take more precious pictures.

"Anyways, that was a fail, as usual," Heihachi said. "Be sure to vote and tune in next time for, take it away, Jun!" Heihachi pointed the microphone at Jun's face, even though she was still unconscious. He stayed like that, broad smile unmoving until Kazuya pushed him off of the stage.

"Date That Loser." Kazuya finished lamely.

End Chapter

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update! I had the WORST case of writer's block and artist's block that I've ever had (this was literally written three paragraphs at a time). Hope you all had a wonderful holiday and are having a decent school…time…as good as it can be, anyways. **


	14. Date Fourteen: Kunimitsu

Disclaimer: No. Just no.

Date Fourteen: Kunimitsu

Jun positively beamed as she walked up to the microphone, as Kazuya and a much younger Heihachi walked on either side of her.

"Hello, and welcome to another episode of Date That Loser!" she announced, one hand forming a "peace" sign. The audience roared in applause.

"What's got her so happy?" Baek muttered to Lei. The super-cop shrugged.

"I heard the hosts all went to Hawaii for those four or so months that the show wasn't airing."

"They got a vacation and we didn't?" Baek asked indignantly. Hwoarang, who was seated on the other side of his instructor, shook his head.

"No, a bunch of us fighters decided we'd go to Hawaii to try to track down the producer and beat her until the show got cancelled." he replied. Baek looked at him in confusion.

"Then why are we still doing this stupid show?" he asked. Hwoarang shrugged, a roguish grin lighting his face.

"Some of us got distracted by the hula dancers…and the beaches…and the bikinis-"

"I get it." Baek said, rolling his eyes. Hwoarang let it go, knowing his poor master was just jealous.

"Hello, wonderful fans!" Jun greeted warmly. "A lot has happened while we were on vacation-"

"Idiot hunting," Kazuya amended under his breath.

"And I'd just like to take a moment to share more Tekken news that has occurred since then!" she chirped.

"She's only happy because it's about her." Heihachi grumbled. Without turning to look at him, Jun elbowed him in the stomach.

"Thanks to all of your loyal support and, of course, the wonderful director of Tekken, I'll be a playable character in Tekken Tag Two! Isn't that amazing news?" Jun smiled.

"We already knew that!" Lili cupped her hands over her mouth to shout from the bleachers.

"But not only that, footage has just been released of Tekken: Blood Vengeance, a movie that's not live-action and American and therefore shouldn't be horrible!" Jun continued.

"Isn't that just a teaser?" Bryan asked.

"What do you mean?" Asuka looked over at the cyborg.

"Game producers are assholes, they're not really making a movie. We would have heard more about it before now, if it was coming out this summer. It's like when Square Enix released that technical demo of Final Fantasy VIII for the PS2, or Final Fantasy VII for the PS3. They're not gonna do it." he grumped.

"He thought both of those were real," Lei stage-whispered, and everyone who heard him laughed, not stopping even after Bryan punched Lei off of the bleachers.

"And, even though this is hardly important compared to everything else that was just announced, there has been a supposed: _New Character_ added to Tekken Tag Two by the name of Jaycee. Jay. Cee." Heihachi finished dryly, giving Julia a dirty look.

"What are you looking at me for?" she asked in supposed innocence. Anna snorted.

"Leo's gender is more mysterious than that alias." she answered, rolling her eyes.

"What? Are you implying that I'm Jaycee? Don't be ridiculous!" Julia argued.

"Oh yeah, then why isn't Jaycee here?" Xiaoyu asked.

"I'm sure if you gave her twenty minutes or so, she could get here!" Julia replied.

"Give it a rest, we all know you're Jaycee." Asuka said.

"I'm not Jaycee!"

"Yeah, just like Lee wasn't Violet." Nina drawled, filing her fingernails.

"Violet? Who is this Violet you speak of?" Lee asked, taking on the same innocent tone Julia had.

"Shut up, Lee." Paul said, and most of the fighters nodded in agreement.

"Who's Jaycee?" Michelle asked, genuinely curious.

"Also, I'm young now!" Heihachi grinned, pointing excitedly at his black hair. "Look at my bitchin' new body!"

"All right, enough!" Kazuya boomed. He was sick of Jun's overbearing good mood, the fighter Jaycee and of course, Lee and Heihachi. "On to business." he growled.

"Fine. Ruin the only good mood I've had in a year." Jun mumbled, and Heihachi nodded along with her.

"Last time, on Date That Loser, my grandson went on a date with that creepy British kid!" Heihachi announced, and a spotlight fell on Steve. He squinted into the light and shook his fist.

"I could have won, too, if it wasn't for those meddling rejects! And the demented old man!"

"Stop ripping off Scooby Doo, it was never funny!" Heihachi reprimanded.

"And loyal fans, you voted, and decided that Jin's next horror should be none other than Kunimitsu!" Jun revealed.

"Probably because she was acting like a mega-bitch," Marduk mumbled under his breath. Then he looked around to make sure she wasn't nearby to punch him again.

"Kunimitsu?" Michelle asked, perking up. "Oh, this is gonna be good."

…

Jin sighed as he walked along the white-sand beach. The sun was blazing overhead, and while he liked good weather, it just wasn't working with his usual brooding look. Well, _nothing_ was working with his brooding look, which he found irritating. He couldn't wear a leather coat or fancy shoes. Also missing was his favorite pair of sweats and the biker outfit he favored in his younger years. Jin had tried his hardest to look angst-ridden, but it was really hard to do when only wearing black beach shorts with red flames up one thigh.

He looked like an extrovert and he hated it.

_Well, look at the bright side_ He tried to tell himself. _You're not getting picked up for the first time in forever, which means you're actually dating a girl._ He nodded to himself and was consoled for a brief moment before he remembered that all of the tournament females were insane. His face fell as he glared into the shimmering ocean.

"Kazama," Jin reluctantly turned to face none other than Kunimitsu, who was wearing a bikini with light green and dark green watermelon stripes. An impatient frown was visible on her magenta lips, as she was wearing her half-mask. She held a picnic basket in one hand and a large red and white parasol in the other.

"Well, come on, let's set up," she ordered impatiently, and Jin glared at her back as he followed. Kunimitsu smirked. She may have only met Jin in the Tag Tournament, but she wasn't a ninja for nothing, and she already had him figured out; Jin was one of those people who weren't happy unless they were a little miserable. Not only that, but he relied on other people to make his life interesting. And because Kunimitsu possessed a banging hot body and a bad attitude, she knew that she could be exactly what Jin needed.

She unfolded the umbrella and speared it into the sand before digging into the basket and spreading out a checked blanket. Jin watched as she made herself comfortable and only sat down when she impatiently patted the spot next to her.

"Make yourself useful and get my back." she ordered, tossing a bottle of sunscreen to Jin. For a brief moment, Jin imagined squeezing the contents onto her bossy head, shoving her mask-first into the sand and sprinting and never looking back at what was undoubtedly going to be a horrible date, but he only sighed and did as he was told.

Jin finished what he deemed "the dirty deed" and rolled on his back, tucking his hands behind his head and glaring up at the underside of the umbrella. He was just thinking that the date might not go so badly if she allowed him to take a nap, but the kunoichi had other ideas.

"Well?" Jin's eyes snapped open at the sharp edge of Kunimitsu's voice. Any other man probably would have appreciated the sight of a woman standing over him wearing a bikini, but Jin was too weird and annoyed to give her any positive attention.

"What?" he groaned, squinting up at her in annoyance.

"We didn't come here so you could sit on your lazy ass and do nothing." she drawled. "Get the hell up."

"Why?" Jin asked. "So I can frolic in the waves with _you_? No thank you." he finished rather sassily. He closed his eyes and a waves of sand sprayed and landed on his face. He sat up and dusted himself off, giving her a dry look. "What do you want?"

"We're going to swim," Kunimitsu demanded. "So get off your emo-ass." Deciding that it was simpler to do as the bossy woman wanted, Jin heaved a sigh and followed her to the water.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the inadequate _female_ ninja." Kunimitsu stopped and stiffened at the sound of Yoshimitsu's mocking tone. Jin hadn't noticed Raven and Yoshimitsu leering at himself and Kunimitsu mere feet away, but he supposed that was a ninja thing.

"What are you freaks doing out in public?" Kunimitsu asked, looking first at Yoshimitsu, then Raven.

"Being superior to you in every way, as usual." Raven replied. He did an elaborate back flip as Kunimitsu threw a kunai at him. "Ha, missed!"

"As usual!" Yoshimitsu added, and both laughed at the kunoichi. Jin raised an eyebrow as he watched the whole thing. Weren't ninjas supposed to be stoic and not so irritating? And why were they all at the beach?

"Why are you really here, assholes?" Kunimitsu asked, folding her arms over her watermelon-chest.

"Well, we were going to challenge you two, but because you're both female, you'd lose." Raven replied, and Yoshimitsu laughed. Jin narrowed his eyes. As irritating as Kunimitsu had been, at least she hadn't called him a woman.

"What's the challenge?" Kunimitsu growled, and the male ninjas smirked.

"Sandcastle building." Yoshimitsu answered.

"…You're kidding me," Jin muttered. "You can't seriously expect-"

"Challenge accepted!" Kunimitsu exclaimed, and Jin slapped a hand to his forehead. Deciding that that wasn't enough, Kunimitsu slapped the back of his head.

"Hey!" Jin complained.

"Shut up, Kazama! You don't just turn down a ninja competition!"

"But-"

"You're not ruining this for me!"

"Okay, but-"

"I don't care if you don't want to build sandcastles, you're going to suck up and do it."

"I didn't say that, I just wanted to-"

"Brood? Brood and mope on your own time, we've got a sandcastle to build!" Kunimitsu ordered. Jin shook his head. It hadn't been more than twenty minutes, and he already knew this wouldn't end well.

"All right, Jin, this is the game plan," Kunimitsu explained as they walked roughly fifty feet away from the male ninjas. "Because you're a man, you can't be trusted to do any of the finer detailing, _but_ fortunately you can compensate with your larger mass." Jin glanced sideways at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, and she sighed before answering in a very condescending tone.

"You're going to use your big brutish body to get me all the sand and water that I need. The bucket's by our spot." she replied, placing her hands on her hips and staring down at the white sand. Jin squinted at her, maybe hoping that she realized how sexist and mean she sounded, but she remained oblivious.

"Anything else?" he asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, you can start by digging up some sand for me," Kunimitsu ordered, pointing to the flawless sand. Jin shook his head and went to retrieve the bucket and shovel.

_This is lame, no pathetic. And humiliating! _Jin thought as he dug at the soft sand with his dinky plastic shovel. _And I think I'm getting sunburn. _Indeed, the fair-skinned man could practically feel his skin drying up and darkening.

"Put your back in it," Kunimitsu commanded as she sipped from a Capri Sun packet. When she was done, she threw it to the ground and stomped on it, and Jin almost thought that a giant foot would come out of nowhere and stomp her for the disrespect.

"What are you looking at?" she barked, and he sighed.

"Should have known…" he muttered before resuming his work.

Twenty minutes later found Jin making his fifth trip down to the shore to retrieve water for the female tyrant. He jumped and almost backhanded Yoshimitsu to hell when the older man appeared before him. Jin let out a sigh of relief.

"Not like you would have hit me. I'm too ninja for that." Yoshimitsu said. Jin narrowed his eyes.

"What do you want?" he asked impatiently.

"I want you to throw the competition," Yoshimitsu answered without hesitation.

"You can't win a sandcastle building contest on your own?" Jin asked dryly.

"Oh I could win blindfolded with my hand tied behind my back, even with that poser on my team," Yoshimitsu replied, pointing in Raven's direction. "But why just win when you can humiliate Kunimitsu, too?" he asked, and Jin honestly couldn't think of an argument for that.

"Come on," Yoshimitsu insisted. "Do it."

Jin was about to open his mouth to say yes, when a horrible, suppressed flashback flooded his mind.

~Flashback~

He was nineteen years old, a rookie at the third tournament, but that didn't bother him much; there were a lot of fighters around his age entering for the first time. He couldn't say he was a happy teen (losing your mother and being forced to live with Heihachi will do that to you). But at least he had an mp3 player.

Hwoarang glared at the back of Jin's head, unnoticed or just plain ignored by the young man he so detested. He had to get that raven-haired bastard back, he just had to!

"Hey," Hwoarang squinted up into the creepy, yellow eyes of Yoshimitsu and literally jumped out of his seat.

"Holy shit, ALIEN!" he yelled, much to Paul's enjoyment.

"Alien, that's what you look like!" Paul laughed, pointing from across the hotel lobby. Yoshimitsu rolled his eyes, writing a mental note to get Paul back later.

"Anyway…" Yoshimitsu continued, trying to dispel the awkwardness that followed Hwoarang's outburst. "We're looking for an escaped, disgruntled and very dangerous duck that escaped from Boskonovitch labs." the ninja held up a poster of a pissy-looking black duck, and inspiration struck Hwoarang's mischievous brain. "So if you see it-"

"Oh my god that duck's attacking his head!" Hwoarang shouted, frantically pointing at Jin. Yoshimitsu gasped before leaping into action, tackling Jin down and trying to remove his hair from his scalp.

"Wh-what are you doing? Knock it off! Hey-" Jin's protests were silenced by Yoshimitsu's determined attacks.

"Stay still! I'm trying to get this murderous duck off of your head!" he ordered, yanking at Jin's hair.

"Ha! Bitch-duck!" Hwoarang laughed, pointing at Jin. Most of the other fighters joined in his laughter, forming a circle around the unfortunate Kazama.

However, at the other end of the lounge…

"Oh, aren't you the sweetest little thing?" Julia asked, kneeling down and beaming at the little black duck that had come waddling up to her.

~End Flashback~

"Bitch-duck," Jin murmured slowly, his eyes narrowing.

"What?" Yoshimitsu asked, raising a concealed brow in confusion. _This kid really is messed up._

"No deal," Jin sneered, turning back to his task at hand. Yoshimitsu's jaw dropped.

"What could you have to gain by teaming up with that feminist asshole!" he asked in confused outrage. He just barely dodged the knife Kunimitsu sent flying at him.

"I hope you know what you're doing." Jin muttered as he handed Kunimitsu the buckets of water. She nodded.

"Don't worry about it, It's all under control." she assured him as she carved and scraped at the sand.

Half an hour later, Kunimitsu stood up, brushing sand off of her thighs. The castle was beautiful, and one could hardly tell it was made out of sand, it looked so solid. She placed her hands on her hips and looked up at Jin.

"Well, what do you think?" she asked.

Jin nodded, actually impressed. Kunimitsu had been unbearable throughout the entire process, but she'd done well. Every detail was elaborately etched into the sand, and the castle sported hundreds of perfectly rectangular bricks along its proud walls. The windows and doors were expertly crafted as well, all smooth and beautiful.

Farther along the beach, Raven stuck a little twig with a leaf impaled on one end on top of a pathetic mound of sand, which cracked when the twig made contact with it. Yoshimitsu crossed his arms over his chest.

"You're kidding me?" he said in a dry tone. Raven glared up at him.

"You try building a sandcastle, it's harder than it looks!" Raven shot.

"It doesn't matter!" Yoshimitsu retorted, not willing to admit that his sandcastle-building skills were amateur at best. "Our sandcastle sucks and theirs doesn't!"

"Got that right," Yoshimitsu and Raven turned and glared at Kunimitsu, who was strolling towards them with Jin not far behind. "Call that piece of crap a castle? Looks more like…well, a piece of crap!" Kunimitsu bellowed, laughing at the lame little castle.

"Uh…who's judging?" Jin asked. Though it was obvious that Kunimitsu's castle was superior, competitions usually had an impartial judge.

"Why bother?" Kunimitsu snorted. "They lose!"

"No, no, we didn't appoint a judge, that means oldest male ninja judges!" Raven exclaimed.

"What?" Jin asked.

"Bull!" Kunimitsu yelled.

"Tradition!" Yoshimitsu countered. "And as judge, I say that our sandcastle wins." he added, nodding smugly.

"Can't we just find some random person on the beach?" Jin asked, but, as usual, was ignored.

"What sandcastle?" Kunimitsu asked, stomping on Raven's hard work. Yoshimitsu and Raven gasped, the latter pointing an accusing finger at Kunimitsu.

"You destroyed the castle," he said gravely.

"The ultimate disrespect." Yoshimitsu added in the same tone.

"More like put it out of its misery." Kunimitsu muttered, casually filing her fingernails. Without taking his hate-filled glare off of Kunimitsu, Yoshimitsu sent an exploding shuriken at her sandcastle, effectively blowing it to smithereens.

"My masterpiece!" she shrieked as the male ninjas cackled cruelly.

"Looks like nobody wins!" Yoshimitsu proclaimed.

"When did you get exploding shuriken?" Jin asked, brows furrowed at the mess that was once a proud sandcastle. Had Naruto really infected everything?

"I'll kill you for this! I'll kill you!" Kunimitsu raged, tackling down Yoshimitsu. Jin was about to make his exit (as he usually did when his dates got distracted by violence) when Kunimitsu yelled: "If you ditch me here you better learn to sleep with one eye open!" That taken into consideration, Jin sighed and stood close to the shore, trying to look brooding despite the laughing children running around the "Ducky-man".

Hours later, after all of the sane people had left the beach, the ninja battle was over. All three ninjas were sprawled on the ruined sand, chests heaving as they tried to catch their breath.

"Can we go now?" Jin asked, irritated. This was exactly why he'd started wearing a trench coat, it was just too damned cold to be walking around shirtless at night.

"Yeah…" Kunimitsu panted, then cleared her throat. "yeah." Slowly, she got up, and Jin started walking away from the beach. The date would almost be officially over, her chance at fortune was getting away! _If I could only get one kiss…he'd be hooked. _ Kunimitsu was convinced of it. Very slyly she caught up to him, and, seizing opportunity, launched herself at his face.

"OW!" Instead of lip-locking with Jin, the pointed nose of her mask jabbed him in the eye, and he doubled over, clutching at his face.

"Shit!" Not one to give up easily, Kunimitsu grabbed at him again, and while the poor man was incapacitated, shoved her lips onto his.

Raven and Yoshimitsu watched with jaws wide open.

It lasted for a lot longer than Jin wanted it to, mostly because he was frozen with horror. After a few seconds he finally regained enough of his senses to shove the woman off of him, and his eye twitched. He stared at her much like a toddler would look at a jerk who just took his candy. Kunimitsu was oblivious.

"So?" she asked, taking a step back and placing both hands on her hips. Speechless, Jin just slowly shook his head and retreated to the safety of his car, wishing he had never been born.

Back at the set…

"And so it turned out that Jin's first kiss would prove to be a traumatizing experience," Heihachi narrated to the hand-held mirror he'd stolen from Anna. "as it was not only painful, but stolen by a woman old enough to be his mom." It was unclear if the rest of the fighters heard him or not; most were laughing hysterically on the bleachers.

"How…why?" Jun seemed to be in the same state of despair as Jin, unable to form a complete thought.

"Well that was…a little more interesting than usual," Kazuya said. He was torn between finding the situation hilarious and being deeply disturbed by the event.

"Vote and…yeah." Jun announced vaguely.

"See you next time on Date That Loser!" Heihachi pumped his fist into the air, all smiles.

**A/N: I suppose I owe you all an explanation for lack of updates. Here goes: Facebook, job, writer's block, Twitter, losing job, trying to get into shape and partying. Also, I have a Twitter and Formspring (posted on profile) so if you like, you can harass me there about being a slow updater. Seriously not joking about writer's block; I started this chapter on the day Harada-san announced that Jun would be playable. **


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